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20170216

Help.

Mak, I am too tired ma. I am too disappointed with myself mak, why I can't be better mak? Why it is so hard mak? I am so happy, I love to be happy, but why those negative emotion come back mak? Mak adik penat sangat mak. People keep putting high expectation to me, and its makes me very sad when I keep disappointing them. Mak, what else should I do? I don't deserve happiness ke mak? When I be like this, I think that I am a burdened to everyone, that I dont deserve them because I am a bad girl. Mak, tolong adik mak. Adik buntu. I want to be happy mak, why it is so hard for me? Mak, I stuck in my own mind, I hope there is light for me to be good again. Mak.. adik penat sangat that sometimes I wish I can removed all this emotion by doing crazy things. Tapi mak, sbb adik ada iman lagi, and I know all of that just bisikan syaitan, I keep being strong to fight those desire. Mak, did I get better or did I get worsen mak? Mak adik penat sangat what else should I do mak. Mak, tolong adik mak.. I am too disappointed with myself right now mak. Does I makes you disappointed too mak? I am sorry, for you to have a little girl like me. I will be strong, at least for you kan mak? You've done so many things for me. Mak I know you didnt even will read this, at this time pun, you never know that I still in depression kan mak. Because I try to handle it very well whenever I am with you, with family. Mak for that, can you at least be proud of me mak? I am trying hard, and I'll not give up to fight with myself mak. I promised you that.

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