tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-152834858261288812024-03-13T07:25:25.420+08:00mine.NURYA :Dakhirat jangan lupa ^__^Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger458125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-54832684472157531432018-04-11T01:40:00.000+08:002018-04-12T00:56:28.451+08:00Beautiful starting, successful ending :’)<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px; text-align: center;">
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<br><span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;"></span></div><div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“Let your hopes, not your hurts; shape the future”</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I still remember, back then, when he received the happy news that he can pursued his studies in Food Technology, we both were truly happy and grateful. It was 30th of January 2015, I waited for his text patiently that I ended up to fall asleep for a moment as I was so sleepy (because of the time difference) and was so nervous with the result and prayed so hardly that Allah will give him an opportunity to pursue his studies because I can’t bear to see his frustration if he can’t do so. I still remember, how I got a dream that his parents do a sujood syukur before I received those news. I still remember, when he told me the news, I cried happily as I received the news, saying that how wonderful Allah’s planned was. I still remember, how proud I was back then, and still am right now, even more than before. I still remember, how beautiful the blessing that Allah gave to us especially you; when we have Sabr, Doa & Him.</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I still remember, how hard his life sometime back then, when he was getting a lot of complaint and questions asking why he did not pursuing his studies yet. I still remember, how I always saying that I will be there for him through his ups & downs, accepting him for who he are and encouraged him that everything will be okay, that his time will come soon. I still remember all those gold memories, and you know what; all the time that I spent with him is always a gold for me.</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Throughout your degree life, I know it is full of thick and thin, ups and downs. Sometimes, the journey was so hard for you, I know. Sometimes, the path was so tough for you, I know. Sometimes you feel like you want to give up, I know. I gave you a lot of hard time too, I know. But you must truly a strongest kind hearted boy that He dear so much, as despite all of your hard time, He blessed you with a truly beautiful success; and you managed to go through all of it. </span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And you know what sayang, </span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">you did truly well and so great, passing all the obstacles that you need to go through. I still remember, the day I made a surprise visit for you on your last day of your final semester paper, how happy I was at that time that you managed to pass through those years patiently. I couldn’t describe it into words how proud I am with you. Your hard works all this time had paid off. Remember back then, when you received the good news, when I wrote a special post dedicating it to you, I said something in that post. </span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“Y'know, this really a good story of Sabr, and Doa.</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I didn't know if this is the power of your Sabr, or the power of peoples' doa, or yeah it must really both!</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Because, He'll gave to you when its come to the perfect time :)</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Y'know, now you're better than others cause you've more experience than they have, didn't Allah's plan is beautiful enough?</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Y'know, when you feel really down, that you'll fall to the bottom, that you'll give up in life, just remember this story.</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The beautiful of Sabr, Doa and Him”</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And mesmerising isn’t it, when the beautiful of Sabr, Doa and Him back then, continues to make a better you now in so many aspects. </span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And I remember how frustrated I was, when I can’t attend your diploma graduation back then in </span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">2014 as I was in Egypt. I ended up wearing a pink purple floral baju kurung to suit it with your convocation theme so that I can feel I was there with you. Tbh, I truly didn’t know what should I give you for your graduation day. I think of so many things, but I didn’t know what will be a special heart-warming gift to you. You started your degree life with a post from me as a gift to you back then, so I was thinking to give you a same gift as before; a special post dedicated to you for ended your degree journey so well. I hope for me to be able to be here for you during your convocation day will be a meaningful gift from Him to both of us, as it is truly a lucky one for me to come back home in the middle of my studies. Allah truly gave me an opportunity to see you on your special day this time, and for that I am truly grateful and blessed. </span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Congratulations Muhammad Asyraf Afiq Ibrahim, my eternal love, my kesayangan. You did well, and I am so so so proud with you. May Allah grant you with a brighter future, blessed rezq and happiness soul throughout your life.</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I write you a special post today, as a gift for you; to reliving our gold memories, to always feel grateful & to always remember the helps from Allah that will never dies.</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><br></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">How time flies, my dearest fiancé. Your degree life starts beautifully before, and it finally ends successfully. Such a great achievement to be remember, forever 💕</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Istiadat Konvokesyen UiTM kali ke-88.</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Muhammad Asyraf Afiq bin Ibrahim.</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Ijazah Sarjana Muda Sains (Kepujian) - Sains dan Teknologi Makanan.</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">261688 🌸,</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">11/4/2018</span></font></p><p style="text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">1.20am</span></font></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: -webkit-standard; font-size: 17px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); text-align: start; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></p></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-68115809040246053982017-11-17T10:38:00.001+08:002017-11-17T10:38:49.444+08:00Hope<div style="text-align: center;">
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"He knows, He knows. Allah knows all this miserable feeling.</div>
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He knows, He knows. Allah knows this devastated pain.</div>
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He knows. Have faith on Him; cause He knows all of that" - (Aina,6/2/2017)</div>
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There will always be a hope, in everyone daily life.</div>
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To be alive, and to be survive, until today</div>
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is already a prove that, He give me so much hope.</div>
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Things will get better.</div>
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I will get better.</div>
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Yakin dengan janji Dia.</div>
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He will never burdened people more than what we capable of.</div>
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Allah tahu kau kuat Aina.</div>
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Sebab itu Dia uji.</div>
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Allah tahu kau sakit Aina.</div>
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But there will always be a hope, for you to be better.</div>
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Believe in that.</div>
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This too, shall pass to.</div>
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Yesterday was a rough day for me. I beat up myself again, and cried so badly.</div>
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It marked as my 10 times, for me to be cry that bad.</div>
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I was so frustrated w/ myself, for not being able to recover yet.</div>
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That's why, I've saying sorry for so many times, to people.</div>
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To everyone. For not being able to recover yet.</div>
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As I thought, I am such a burdened to them.</div>
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But I know, they will always be there for me. It just me, who couldn't stop to think that way.</div>
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I was consulting my friend afterwards, who was already recover from it completely.</div>
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"I am getting worse. And I don't even know why."</div>
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"Sebab you tak stop fikir, that's why. Itu perkara pertama, stop fikir"</div>
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"But now.. I pun tak tahu I fikir apa masalahnya. It just, I didn't have any feeling to do things anymore. Jumpa orang pun, I feel so anxious. I ended up skipping those things, meeting and etc"</div>
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"Anhedonia. Itu common. This is common. I know, been there. Your depression is not you. Ada inner power dalam yourself. Yang dissociates you from depression. Kalau you demam, you tak kata "saya orang demam", sebab demam is symptom. And its not you, Sama macam depression, depression is not you. Its a disorder. Dissociate yourself." </div>
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"I keep saying sorry to everyone even that I know it was not my fault. But I can't stop blaming myself for everything."</div>
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"Like I said, bila you accept yourself., you akan stop blaming yourself.</div>
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Dan you akan stop say sorry. Just live. Jangan rush recovery. I tak rush recovery. It just.. disappear."</div>
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Stop saying sorry Aina, it was not your fault. You didn't asked for this.</div>
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So stop being an apologetic person.</div>
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No one wants your sorry Aina. No one asking you to ask for forgiveness.</div>
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They only want you to be happy Aina. And thats, already enough for them all. </div>
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Accept yourself, Aina. And be well. </div>
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Just live, and at the end of the road, you'll arrive at the beautiful destination.</div>
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Even if not in dunya, He will grant it later, in akhirah.</div>
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Just live, and be happy. Accept all of it, and fight hard.</div>
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One day, everything will be just fine. </div>
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One day, this to shall be pass.</div>
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So hang on, and be strong.</div>
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Its okay to stumble in the middle of the journey.</div>
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Its okay to cry once for awhile.</div>
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But its never okay to give up in this battle.</div>
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So hang on, and be strong.</div>
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Cause He knows,</div>
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you're trying.</div>
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Don't lose hope, Aina Izzati.</div>
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Have faith on him. Bersangka baik dengan DIa.</div>
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He will grant you something better in the future.</div>
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So believe in Him.</div>
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Spread the love and happiness to everyone.</div>
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May that one day, come in the future :)</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-24292172434588457812017-11-03T01:12:00.001+08:002017-11-03T04:52:37.204+08:00Beating myself.<div style="text-align: center;">
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" Tawakal; let your heart trust Allah alone, to take care of the things you cannot understand"</div>
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Assalamualaikum everyone and hai.</div>
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Triggered warning to anyone who have mental illness.</div>
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This post, is maybe not suitable for you to read it.<br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tfFO8zmFMvo/WfuFg_Z7VjI/AAAAAAAADSc/HLfTsuil_MMFtDZkoGlOQMoQwZidGIvmQCLcBGAs/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tfFO8zmFMvo/WfuFg_Z7VjI/AAAAAAAADSc/HLfTsuil_MMFtDZkoGlOQMoQwZidGIvmQCLcBGAs/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
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Mak. I didn't have anyone to vent to.</div>
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I couldn't even call you, telling you that I am sick again.</div>
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Because I didn't want to worry you and dad.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I didn't even can shed my tears in front of you.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Even if I want to..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I wish I can go home,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and hug you and dad.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I really need someone here for me right now.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak.. I am so sad with myself.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Why am I like this mak..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Why did,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He gave me this kind of struggle, mak?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I really not a strong one.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
They said He will tests us as the things that we can handle..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but mak..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I always lose to my thoughts.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I always making stupid decision and mistakes,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
because of it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I really not,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a strong one.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So why He chose me mak?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak, I miss the old me. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The old happy me. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The one who didn't care about anything.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The one who will always enjoying her life.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak.. I miss myself.. badly</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Asyraf must be really miss her too.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It is so painful, this illness.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I didn't expect it will be this worst.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I didn't expect, it will be this pain.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But mak..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
perit</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sangat.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak, I didn't know what I should do w/ myself.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Part of me wanted to give up so badly,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but part of me, always ask me to fight w/it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Tapi mak..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
adik tak kuat..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sangat..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I really hate myself mak.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Why did,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I becoming so weak.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I couldn't even think straight...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak.. will everything will be okay, mak?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I want to be the old happy me.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Asyraf will really like it if I can do so..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but mak, is it possible to me?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Am I going to be okay, mak?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I want to kill my mind so badly.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It makes me so dumb..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and pathetic.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak.. I really miss the old me right now.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I really miss the old happy Aina.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
can I just cry today?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And be strong back tomorrow.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I just..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
so frustrated..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
with myself..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Because I know..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the old Aina wouldn't make the wrong decision and stupid mistake.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Because I know,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
she will always do the right thing.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Because I know, who am I</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And me now,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is not a real me.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Go away depression,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I kindly, beg you.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mak... can you come into my dream and hug me?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Abah... can you come into my dream and tell me some jokes?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Kakak... can you come into my dream and show me how Aqil dance?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Abang... can you come into my dream and show me Firaz and Zymam smile?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Asyraf... can you come into my dream, and tell me that everything is going to be okay?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Can everyone come into my dream tonight and calm me down?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Because the thought that I shouldn't be here, in this world, because I will only makes problem, is so strong, right now.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dear God, please..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
please..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
relief my painful.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I beg You...<br />
<br />
<br />
Mak..<br />
<br />
I think, I couldn't survive this.<br />
<br />
(But you know, how many times I told you that I couldn't survive,<br />
but then I survived<br />
because that's the only part of Aina that always still be in me,<br />
the one who never give up,<br />
no matter how hard, the thing is)<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-61773812346616479522017-11-01T06:01:00.000+08:002017-11-01T06:33:33.689+08:00Langit tak selalunya cerah<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Apabila Allah mengkehendaki kebaikan atas seseorang, Allah akan;-</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
1. Sibukkan dia dengan keburukan diri sendiri (yakni bermuhasabah diri, banyakkan tengok keburukan diri dari keburukan orang lain)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
2. Sibukkan dia dengan kudrat yang dia ada untuk perjuangan Islam</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
3. Sibukkan dia untuk fahamkan agama"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Assalamualaikum everyone :)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Its been awhile since my last post here. I guess dah tak ramai pun bukak my blog since I dah lama tak update it. My apologies, aigo I miss the old time when we didn't active in social medias so much, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
just sharing things here happily, waiting for people to text us, buy topup not for the sake of data, but to text w/ our love one. Waiting the other side to online their Yahoo! Messenger, just to talk about everything that we want. Didn't have many platform to stalk about them, so there are no many things that we need to argue. Time have changed, so much, that its hurt me. A lot. I wish I could turn back time to our old happy days, and stop at there. Thats old time, was gold. And will always be gold for me.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have so many things to do right now, a lot of ObGyn topics to revise, and I have SC w/ my little sisters tomorrow and I need to prepare for the sharing. But let me write something on my mind right now before I forget about it, for the lessons, to everyone and especially me. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Langit tak selalunya cerah.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Why does the title of my post, is kinda, serious?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Kau pernah tak rasa diri kau baik?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I mean, a really, really good one.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Yang bila kau tengok orang lain, kau rasa, kau better dari diorg.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Yang bila kau tgk org buat salah, kau tak terlintas pun mcm mana diorg boleh buat benda-benda tu.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Yang kau rasa, kau takkan buat benda-benda macamtu.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dan yang real punya rasa, bila orang berpurdah/tudung labuh/pegangan agama kuat,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
buat benda tak elok, kau macam, tak boleh brain gila dia buat benda tu padahal, beriman kot!?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Kau pernah tak?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Well, let me told you here.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Aku pernah.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dan aku pasti, tersangat pasti, walau sekelumit pun rasa mcmtu, kau mesti akan ada rasa, kau lebih baik dari orang lain.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
*hihi saja nak provok*</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Lets be calm kejap.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm sharing this, because I learnt from my mistakes, because I want to save people from doing a big mistake like mine.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mistake aku yang besar, satu je:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Rasa diri baik.<br />
<br />
Dan kemudian menyumbang kepada mistakes2 yg lain</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Ayat yang aku kongsikan di atas sekali, adalah ayat yang aku dapat bilamana, aku ada satu argument w/ this one important person of mine, and those argument is about my bad past.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
After those argument, aku rasa lost gila. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
For your information, aku baru lepas relapse, 2 weeks of a really bad relapse, and today is my first day to recover, so, I don't want this argument to make me relapse.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So I calmed myself, I told myself, Allah je tahu isi hati aku sekarang. Allah je faham betapa teruknya aku rasa diri aku sekarang. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dan tiba-tiba,Yasmin text aku, asking me to help her to capture her notes, from her notebook. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And ayat-ayat diatas, is the note that she asked me to capture.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And aku terus menangis.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Aku rasa, macam Allah balas kata hati aku on the spot. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Macam Allah pujuk aku immediately so that I don't relapse back.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Macam Allah nak kata, those arguments, adalah untuk muhasabah diri aku sendiri,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
untuk jadi lebih baik.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I really, cried. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Aku share this story, because it is too miracle for me. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Berbalik kepada my one big mistake tadi,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
iaitu, rasa diri baik.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Iyelah, dalam family, aku nilah yang paling islamik orang kata. Dalam berkawan, akulah yang pakai handsock, pakai stokin pergi mana-mana, yang pakai tudung bawah paras dada, yang tak pernah sekali pun mencarut dalam hidup aku, yang rasa, aku takkan buat pun benda-benda pelik yang lain (walaupun banyak lagi dosa dan aib lain yang Allah lindung)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Rasa diri baik sangat.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Rasa mcm, haih apasal dia tak pakai stokin, aurat kot, Haih apasal dia mencarut, tak elok kot, haih apasal dia pakai selendang lilit mcmtu, terdedah kot, haih apasal dia macamtu, apasal dia macamni. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
*berkata dalam hati*</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Ada yang aku tegur, ada tapi sikit sangat. Aku banyak bagi hadiah as a tudung, as a handsock lagi daripada tegur direct, sebab apa, sebab rasa diri tak cukup baik nak menegur </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
(bab ni pandai pulak rasa diri tak baik hm)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dan disebabkan tak banyak menegur, tak dapat nak ubah sesiapa, sebaliknya, rasa diri makin baik.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dan itulah kesilapan aku. Rasa Allah takkan uji dengan benda-benda macamtu.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Rasa macam kalau kena uji pun, mesti aku tak buat.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Eksyen.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Perasan iman kuat.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dan nak dijadikan cerita, Allah uji </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
dan</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
aku kalah.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I won't tell you what it is.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Lets it be the secret between me, the people who knows about it and Allah je.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So yeah, after the things happened, I thought it will be end like that. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sbb aku tak nak ulangi balik kesilapan aku.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Tapi..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
aku lupa Allah nampak apa aku buat. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dan mungkin, ada aib orang yang aku tak terjaga, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Allah bukak aib aku. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Allah uji aku lagi sekali.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And things got worse.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And now, I am the one yang messed up everything.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And the response after that, you know.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It will be a hard thing to be forgive.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So, apa perasaan bila jadi punca masalah?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The truth is, sekarang aku rasa macam aigo kalau aku bukan sebaik Aina yang dulu, yg jenis hipstur hipstur, mesti aku tak dihukum mcmni. I mean yelah, kalau aku tak berapa baik, buat benda tak baik, takdelah org concern dan terasa sgt. Sebab dia mmg mcmtu pun. Tapi, the thing is, tak. Sbb sebelum ini aku tak pernah buat benda mcmtu, sbb sebelum ni aku mmg menjaga,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
dan tiba-tiba tersasar,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the consequence is, massive.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Waktu nilah tetiba rasa..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
teruk sangat ke salah aku..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
aku tak boleh buat mistake ke..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
aku pun manusia..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
aku kena maksum ke..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
teruk sangat ke aku ni..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Those thoughts, were lingering on my mind. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Rasa mcm teruk gila kena hukum, rasa mcm diri kotor gila, rasa mcm diri hina gila. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Bukan sbb I didn't get his forgiveness yet.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Just rasa teruk sbb..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
teruk.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And thats when I thought about, all those rasa diri baik dari semua orang.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Langit tak selalunya cerah.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Iman tak selalunya tinggi.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Terkadang tersasar kalah. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Tapi semuanya dah terjadi.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Rasa macam, padan muka diri sendiri siapa suruh rasa diri baik dari semua orang, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He gave me a lesson in a tough way bruh.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Jadi pesanan aku, berdasarkan ayat miracle yang aku dapat dari Yasmin, fasal pertama; sibukkan diri dengan keburukan sendiri, Yang juga bermaksud, muhasabah diri selalu, banyakkan tengok keburukan diri dari keburukan orang lain. Sentiasalah rasa orang lain lagi baik dari kita.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It is, such an important lesson. At least, for me.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I couldn't turn back time.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I couldn't make the wrong things right.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Everything already happened, but I learnt my lesson.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dulu dia tanya aku, kenapa aku buat macam tu.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Aku cakap sebab penat nak jadi baik.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This reason is still valid. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Because the only reason aku buat macam tu,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
memang sbb penat sangat nak jadi baik masa tu.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Jadi aku lost, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
dan tersasar.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Yasmin pernah text aku something, waktu tu aku dekat Malaysia. 20 Ogos 2017. She sense something wrong at me. I still save those text, because it involve my darker past, walaupun waktu aku text dia ni, I'm already feel good and happy, sbb dah takde problem dgn tunang hihi :) tapi aku share jugak ape aku rasa bila aku buat those mistakes. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And I share our conversation here, to let people know, its not about my feeling, its really, sbb penat nak jadi baik.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Ayiz, kalau aku nak tegur something, hang boleh terima tak?"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Boleh je."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Ke hang dapat agak dah?"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Dapat agak dah, tapi takpe, tegur je, kenkadang, aku hanyut gak, sebab takde yg menegur."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Kita jaga Allah, Allah jaga kita. Itupun term jaga Allah, kita jaga diri kita dari fitnah"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Actually, hm, aku hanyut ni pun bersebab jugak"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Nape?"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Ni aku just bgtahu je la. Takde siapa tegur aku pun before this. Aku tak tahu, at one point, aku dah penat sangat nak jadi baik, mungkin ade niat yg salah. Or mungkin aku dah tak nak mikir langsung pasal apa org buat sakit hati aku. So I changed, bukan aku tak tahu benda salah. Tapi takde org nak tarik aku dah, last-last aku penat jd baik, Aku tgh struggle dgn diri aku, tgh struggle dgn sakit aku, takdela aku nak buat sgt pun benda yg aku tahu salah. Just, at one point, I've reach my limit. Mungkin sbb aku sakit sama, kenkdg tu, tipulah kalau kata, aku tak mengharapkan blsn atas benda baik yg aku buat, nak capai ikhlas tu mmg susah. Tp last2 bila takde org nmpk pun effort aku nak jd baik, asyik nmpk salah aku je, last2, aku mcm, better buat salah je. Tu je. Aku just, penat nak jadi baik, at this point. tapi, tgh kawal diri lagi. Tahun ni balik mmg aku hanyut habis, sbb mcm taknak mikir pape. Penat sakit, penat everything. Aku tahu hg tak faham benda ni berkaitan ape pun. Haha takde pasal pci pun. Ni berkaitan personal things aku, yg sampai satu tahap, aku dah tak boleh cope nak jadi baik. So I loose myself for awhile before. But, I'll find my track back. Just, tlg doakan aku. Thank you tegur, I appreciate that, so much, at least aku tahu, Allah mmg nak tarik aku balik. Thank you sangat, jumpa next month min. Aku tahu, hg lg penat, nak sembang dgn hg pasal aku, rasa cam tak layak pulak. Tapi tulah, lain org lain ujian. Hg Dia uji dgn jawatan, aku Dia uji dgn benda lain. Just, tlg doakan aku kuat je. Sbb, aku mmg dah hanyut. And I know that, just aku tak kuat nak kawal diri aku, sbb penat nak jd baik tu, mengatasi everything waktu tu. K tu je la nak share. Haha, sorry"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Aku dkt luar, phone nak mati. Nak cakap pape, cakap jela."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Will try my best to find myself back, I find the happy me, but I lost the good in me...Aku tgh tahan diri je skrg, taknak kuar dari persatuan, bukan sbb taknak involve, tapi sbb taknak bagi fitnah dkt persatuan. Sbb aku tahu, I'm not that good anymore...Aku tak penat pasal persatuan and all those gerak kerja pci, tapi soul aku semua drain to the bottom sejak aku sakit, and it already reach its limit. Sampai aku taknak buat kerja skrg ni, sbb aku takut akan kacau gerak kerja semua benda."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Aku tak faham apa maksud hg dkt sini. Sebenarnya ramai je kat sini yg try nak nasihat/tegur tapi diorg tak tahu nak cakap camni. Ada je org risau. Ramai. Kalau takde org nak tegur/nasihat pun, hg ramai kan kawan2. Kalau nak dgr nasihat yg lembut, minta dkt mirza. Kalau nak nasihat yg tegas, obviously la aku. Aku mmg tak tapis pun. Kalau pasal penat nak jadi baik, atau nak tahan sakit hati org tak hargai ke apa, sebenarnya at the end of the day, diri sendiri yg rugi. So jgn give up to be good. Ujian aku is my temper, kiranya perlu ke aku give up utk tahan marah aku kalau penat? Takkan, paling kurang pun duduk senyap je. Hg pun kena cari cara utk overcome benda ni la, Kalau tak tahu, minta nasihat dari org yg thiqah. Ramaikan kawan2 yg baik. Gunakan diorg. Okay je tu. Jatuh dlm lubang boleh, tapi jgn jatuh byk kali. Doa byk2"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Thank you min, I'll improving myself."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Tapi.. its too late. Yasmin reach aku, when everything already happened. Aku belajar dalami ilmu agama sama-sama dgn Yamin. Dgn Mirza. Kena ragging pun dgn diorg. Susah payah sama-sama. Dan dua org ni je yg akan tarik aku bila tersasar. Kita ramai kawan, tapi yg bersahabat dgn aku utk tarik aku balik, 2 org ni je. Sbb kitorg berukhwah mainly sbb agama, then sbb persatuan. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I know, the reason is so wrong. Hard to be brained, but unfortunately, thats how I losing my mind. </div>
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And for that, I am truly are sorry. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Tapi bila fikir balik kenapa semuani terjadi.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mungkin sbb Allah nak bagi pengajaran dekat aku.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Utk jgn rasa diri baik dari org lain.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Aku tak pernah go through this kind of ujian.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This is my first, and I learnt it now,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
no matter how tired you are to be kind, to be kind is the only choice that you have.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Make sure that you have friends yang akan tarik kau bila kau hanyut.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Thats part, is so important.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Aku pernah tersasar, and I need to face the consequences. Aku tak nak org lain tersasar mcm aku. So please, take a good care of your iman, your mind, and your nafs.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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I rest my case now.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I want to have a new fresh start.</div>
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Trying to forget all those memories, but didn't forget to take their lessons.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Thank you for reading this long post.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Doakan yang baik-baik utk saya dan dia.</div>
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Moga nusrah Allah, sentiasa bersama kita semua :)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Moga Allah ampuni dosa aku, dan terima taubat aku.<br />
Moga Allah sentiasa pelihara aib dan hati kita.<br />
Moga Allah berikan kekuatan buat kita berdua.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-58637921240042852122017-03-04T09:53:00.001+08:002017-03-04T09:53:32.423+08:00I wonder"I'm a messed right now, inside out"
Assalamualaikum everyone ☺️ Well this time I nak cerita that my emotionally is getting very stable! Dah almost two weeks I suppressed my thought and negative feeling, but I wonder did I overwork so much to do it? Migraine and gastric yg dah lama tak dtg tetiba dtg balik. I always getting a nightmares now. I barely have a proper sleep. My sleep cycle is changes daily. I wonder why. Did my immune system tryin' to find another way for me to adapt it? Nahh I don't really understand myself. Rasa tak kuat, sbb kerap tak sihat skrg, tapi mood happy mmg okay, and everyone are also tryin' hard to make me happy.
I shouldn't let them down, right? Lets keep a good momentum, to be heathy, mentally and physically. You can do it Aina 😊Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-42073638799167713242017-02-25T06:51:00.004+08:002017-02-25T08:17:45.422+08:00Oyeah!"Setiap perkara dan kejadian ada hikmatnya, tapi hikmat itu adalah suatu hikmat ghaib yang amat mendalam dan mungkin tidak ternampak kepada pandangan manusia yang singkat" - Sayyid Qutb dalam mukadimah kitabnya Tafsir fi zilal ☺️
Assalamualaikum semua 💖 How are you gais doing? I hope you gais are doing well and having a lot of fun in your daily life.
Hihi tak tahu, tiba-tiba teringin nak update blog when I am in a good mood like today. So yeah, I'll write anything yang terlintas di fikiran sekarang, so it will be a random post with some random things.
You gais tahu tak, that I am getting a lot better rn. I mean my emotion, me myself is doing really great this week! Today, it will be almost 1 week I have this ease feeling, that I didnt even care what will happened (I keep counting my days being happy sbb selalunya I akan tersungkur before sampai 1 week pun, and this time I berjaya sampai more than 1 week; I hope so and lets hope it will remain constant until I get tired of counting the days that I'm happy 😍) I don't overthink things, I succeed to supress my negative thoughts really well this week! Eventho byk jugak tweet2 yg I baca most of them sedih2, emo2 and sendu2, still I managed to ignore all those negative tweets and live a happy life. Hehe I really did well didnt I? You gais sedar tak? Hehe I hope some of you will realized it, because its not easy for me. Sampai demam2 la nak kena supress my thought actually 😂
Sbb apa demam? You gais tahu kan demam is one of our defense mechanism in our body, and just like that, socs med also have been one of my defense mechanism of my pain so that I don't need to supress my thought, but when supress my negative thought, I overwork my mind and myself, so yeahh demam la jadinya, naa I guess so jgn percaya sgt, sbb tetiba je demam in the middle of I'm getting better from all of this, so I rasa sbb tu lah 😂
Bila rasa my mood didnt seem okay je, terus I uninstall my twitter and all thise socs accounts so that I didnt post any of my negative thoughts in the socs med. Dlm seminggu ni, actually boleh kata hari2 I uninstall twitter and install it back when I am okay, thats why I succeed to post happy things je. It takes a lot of things to do, but oyeah, its really worth it. Seronok tau tgk twitter kita takde sad tweet actually ☺️
Sebenarnya kan, bukan tak nak cerita pasal masalah kita dkt org. Sometimes we just didnt find the suitable words to describe our thought. Sometimes, to write them was the only way. I dont know, I still figuring out how to share this kind of thought with people around me. Hihi lets give me some time to figure this out okay? ☺️ Buat slow slow, I scared that if I buat everything in this mean time, I'll get fatigue and suffocated again, so yeahh kita buat apa yg termampu dulu 😊
Well some of you must wondering what I am doing rn to find myself back. Well, I reread all the old conversations of me with those people who close to me. I reread my post in this blog and I reread all the happy tweet I post before. Byk benda I buat actually nak cari balik diri sendiri 😂 And yeah, during my time when I've negative thoughts but I need to supress it, I'll immediately uninstall my twitter and terus sibukkan diri. kadang2 saya study topics yg saya skipped (sbb tak larat sgt pergi kelas waktu demam haritu), kdg2 involved in programme (but for this time being, I prefer to be left alone in the house, and get some rest from hectic life for awhile, nanti I dah betul2 okay, I start menyumbang balik okay 😇), most of the time layan kdrama (now tgh tgk signal! Mindblowing betul cerita tu. And oh yeah park bo young ade cerita baru 😍 You gais should watch PBY in oh my ghost, GOD DIA ADORABLE SGTTT OKAY!), and for those yg baca my previous post, I ada niat nak baca certain2 kitab kan ☺️ Now I'm work on it, baru mulakan maza yakni, hadis and tafsir fi zilal. Gilir2 baca ikut mood. Hihi doakanlah boleh khatamkan and diberi kefahaman dan ilmu yang bermanfaat ya 😁 And lastly yeah sometimes I'm just scrolling the twitter, stalking some people and yeah end my day with sleep w/o any worries or cries anymore. Well nightmares still selalu je dpt, but yeah I'll ignore everything that makes my life miserable before 😊
Eventho I dah bukak my socs med, I still in an uzlah phase rn. I still didnt wanna meet people now, and didnt want to involve in anything for awhile. I just want to be at home, doing stuff that makes me feel at ease. I still in recovery phase and I know my emotion is still in fragile state. To say that I am completely recovered, it just too soon enough, but lets hope this kind of emotion will lasts till forever okay! 😍
For those who always there for me, thank you. You know, I'll always pray that may Allah rewards all of you w/ jannatul firdausi because you didnt let this girl, into such destruction of herself 💖
Alhamdulillah, oyeah! Thanks Allah for this wonderful feeling. Dah lama tak rasa happy macam ni 😇
Till then gais! Cheer up. Things will be a lot more better if you gais feels that everything have hikmah on it 😉😘Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-56087742493424641212017-02-22T00:58:00.001+08:002017-02-22T00:59:00.231+08:00Azam "Imam Hassan al-Banna menggariskan 10 rukun baiah, 3 daripadanya adalah faham, amal dan ikhlas. Kita perlu faham dulu sesuatu ilmu, barulah kita boleh beramal dgn ikhlas"
Actually dah lama aku berazam benda ni, tulis dkt sini so that setiap kali aku bukak aku ingat dan aku try utk capaikan, sbb aku seorg yg sgt pelupa 😂
So azam aku ialah, habiskan beberapa kitab before kahwin (or kalau tak habis lps kahwin pun boleh habiskan- the point is saya nak tambah ilmu agama saya 🙏). I maybe have a year and more or maybe less so harap2 before melangkah ke alam rumah tangga itu, ilmu agama di dada mestilah kena tingkatkan. Tak byk pun, atleast kena ada. Barulah alam itu ada sakinah mawaddah wa rahmah gitu 🙈
So bila dah search apa aku perlu baca, I need to finish buku2 yg asas ni dulu, hopefully sempat habiskan sbb aku jenis lmbt membaca, tapi kalau lmbt pun still boleh dgr ceramah dkt youtube hihi.
So this will be the books that I want to finish:
1. Tafsir fi zilal (Dah settle beberapa surah, tapi bykkkkkk lagi surah tak settle 😭)
2. Syarah hadis 40
3. Maza yakni bahagian 1 dan 2
4. Risalah taalim
5. Raheeq makhtum
6. Syamail muhammadiyah
7. Kitab fiqh; ibadah, wanita, perubatan (kena search lagi kitab apa yg basic)
Ok cukup lah tuuu, takut tak tercapai pulak, tak tahu mampu ke takkk, tapi doakan saya. Harapnya bolehlah baca yg mana yg mampu tuu. Anyone yg jumpa kitab2 ni dkt memana let me know yaa, or boleh tlg belikan nanti saya bayar, or kalau nak hadiahkan pun ok jugak 😂😜 Saya baca melalui ibook je but asalkan ada pun dah okiesss 💖
Okayyy till then! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-35212550383436801592017-02-05T02:22:00.002+08:002017-02-17T12:29:28.149+08:00I hopeI hope you know, how much I want us to be as before.
I miss you, I didn't know how to tell you, how much I need you rn.
I don't show my sadness to anyone as much as before, I'm trying to show how happy I am to everyone, and I am really happy. But, to be happy like this, its take a lot of energy, because I need to suppress my negative emotion as well as I could. I am happy, but I broke inside, because I need you. To be happy and at the same time didnt have a good term with you, its somehow meaningless.
I want to tell you how much I miss my mom and dad right now. I want to tell you that I can't even focus to study right now. I hope you know, that I really need your support, your jokes, your sweet talk, your positive vibes. I really need you. Right now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-63898747360434467652017-01-09T16:04:00.002+08:002017-01-09T16:12:41.122+08:00Quite truth ✨Just found this in article, that was quite truth. Naa its 100% truth, so I would like to share it here ☺️<div><br></div><div><br></div><div>--</div><div><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 2rem; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Since I’ve been back from treatment, things have been hard — but in a different way than how I was last time I was home. While I have learned how to cope with things in a more positive way, I still have hard days. <b>I still have those thoughts running through my head — they didn’t go away.</b> I learned new skills on how to deal with them when they come up. However, I still have <a target="_blank" class="autolink" href="https://themighty.com/category/mental-illness/depression/" title="View more depression stories" style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration: none; line-height: inherit;">depression</a>, and it’s still hard.</span></font></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 2rem; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>I still want to stay in bed all day and close the blinds and not leave my room or talk to anyone.</b> Other days are better, and I’m still able to do things and leave the house. But when I come back, I collapse in my room and cry. I feel this huge pressure from people expecting so much from me. I don’t know who I can turn to. My friends and family seem to expect that magically everything is “fixed,” and that’s just not true. It’s hard for me to reach out when all that pressure is put on me.</span></font></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 2rem; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So please, what I’m asking is that you ask me how my day went. Open the conversation so I am able to come and talk to you in the future, or when something hard comes up, or when I feel like I may be relapsing.<b> I need help, and it’s hard to initiate with all the pressure around me. It’s not that I’m not grateful for your support</b>, it’s just that I’m new to having an open line of communication with you. <b>Those days when it’s hard for me to leave my room are when I need you most</b>. It’s those days when I may just want someone to be next to me. We don’t have to talk or do anything; your presence is enough.<b> It’s those times when it’s really important for my support system to be there for me.</b> And for that, I thank you.</span></font></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 2rem; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></font></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 2rem; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">By Lana Peterson</span></font></p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-59686689132923624372017-01-05T03:01:00.002+08:002017-01-05T03:12:09.878+08:00Hard"You did well, don't give up, you almost there"<div><br></div><div>Assalamualaikum.</div><div><br></div><div>This will be a simple post from me. </div><div>Today is 4th of January, alhamdulillah I can control my emotion, just well. Not that good, but not that bad either. What I can say is, its actually hard for me to keep being positive. I've struggling so much, but, its hard.</div><div><br></div><div>Is there actually any chances for me to be healthy back? I just don't know. They told me that I almost there, but I always fall in the middle of the road. But, because of them, for them, I won't give up. I'll be a bright kid again soon! Lets make it happens. Support me, for who I am now, for who I want to be. Its hard, but I wont give up, no matter how many time I stumble in the journey to be a better one. </div><div><br></div><div>Thankyou, for those who are stay. Only Allah can rewards you, with all the kindness around the world. You will never know how important you are to me. It maybe countless times they want to give up on me, but they didn't, so why should I?</div><div><br></div><div>Stay strong, the future is bright. You will be good, just like how Aina Izzati before ✨</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-4754107857606352982017-01-02T23:14:00.001+08:002017-01-02T23:14:17.584+08:00Starts New: A Better Me<br />
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'Walk the talk'</div>
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Assalamualaikum anyone yang still baca this blog. </div>
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Ada lagi ke masalahnya orang yang baca blog ni?</div>
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Asyik emo memanjang post-post before this :P</div>
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Well today, I promised this post won't be an emo one. </div>
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Haha hey, believe in me, I told ya in the post before that I'll left them behind.</div>
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So, yeah. I think I've already move on from the past.</div>
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Tapi, molek lagi if I can asked for forgiveness to the person depan-depan. </div>
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That way, I think my mind will be a lot in a peaceful state I guess.</div>
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Sebab, still, no matter how much I deny that everything is right, </div>
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no matter how I convinced myself that I did nothing wrong,</div>
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I still think that everything is my fault. </div>
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Well, I guess its really is my fault bila fikir balik thats why I keep feeling guilty.</div>
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Okay alih topik!</div>
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Btw, I want to start new! 2017, I really want to change.</div>
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I don't want to be a victim of depression again.</div>
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Well it is a very cruel illness you know.</div>
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You just can't control yourself no matter how hard you are trying.</div>
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So what should I do?</div>
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Don't expect anything from anybody.</div>
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Just don't.</div>
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Don't force people to do things that makes me happy.</div>
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Just don't.</div>
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Don't put so much hope in anybody.</div>
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Just don't.</div>
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Don't overprotective whats mine.</div>
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Just don't.</div>
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Because eventually,</div>
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if they want to do it, they will do it, so don't expect.</div>
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Because eventually,</div>
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if they are really care, they will makes you happy, so don't force.</div>
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Because eventually,</div>
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if they really want, they will show the efforts, so don't put the high hope.</div>
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Because eventually,</div>
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no matter how hard I protect them, if its mine, they will eventually be mine.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Allah has wrote them.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We just need to show our effort to get what we want.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
In our life, in our future, in our afterlife.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So, Aina, you know all of this.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
You know life is just this simple.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It is just your mind that always think differently.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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If you can suppress that negative thought, everything will eventually be alright.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
You'll be alright, they will be alright and everyone will be alright :)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Gambatte kudasai Ayiz-chan.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dah takde Iman Azlan as your psychotherapist dkt sini, so you should do well in the future.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sbb, dah takde org nak dgr dan cuba faham whats going wrong in your mind, except for those who have been through it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Ps: Iman takes a year to recover from depression, with the help of medicine, </div>
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its already 10 months for me, lagi dua bulan maybe I can fully recover!</div>
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Well, they told me that I keep getting better and can control myself well (atleast for the depression peoples', I am doing well) because I don't take any medicine, just a mind therapy :3</div>
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<br /></div>
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Wahh I really hope so <3 p=""><div style="text-align: center;">
Doakan seorang Nur Aina Izzati dalam doa kalian!</div>
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<br /></div>
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Much love xoxo</div>
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Tulat dah EOR, doakan!</div>
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</3></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-71460528770829098912017-01-01T00:31:00.004+08:002017-01-02T23:18:45.376+08:00Stop the what if<div style="color: #454545; line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">"Tough time won't last, tough people do"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: '.SFUIText'; font-size: 17pt;">Assalamualaikum everyone </span><span style="font-family: '.AppleColorEmojiUI'; font-size: 17pt;">☺️</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">Its 31st of December 2016, the last day of 2016! How time flies kannn? I hope I can be a better me in 2017, and bringing the happiness together, and leave the past pain behind.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">For this last day of 2016, I decided to write something that I would like to leave it behind, from entering 2017. The things and thought that always messed up my mind. So that I hope, by writing this all, my mind will be at peace, and entering 2017 with a clear mind, and peaceful feeling.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: '.SFUIText'; font-size: 17pt;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">Remember when we were in form 5, we have been taught that don't play with the what if questions. Its like, you are questioning The Almighty, The Most Merciful One. I admitted that, these past 21 years, 2016 is the year that I asked the what if questions the most. Yeah, I were that kind of ungrateful girl, I know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">What if, I didnt have any depression, will I be a lot more happier right now, or can I do a wise decision for myself? I keep asking myself those questions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">I hate myself for always making peoples' feeling hurts by my selfish decision. I blame myself for giving people hard, and painful time. Thats who I am, the person who always put the blame on myself eventho sometimes I know I did a right things. Thats who I am, for being an apologetic person, that always asked for forgiveness from others, when there is nothing wrong that I do. Thats the natural for who I am. Basically right now, when I still have this kind of illness.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: '.SFUIText'; font-size: 17pt;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">Ika always said to me this, you did nothing wrong. Don't blame yourself, you are doing the right things. But Ika, did I really do a right things, when I, the one, the main reason why they get sad and hurt, because of my selfish decision? Am I really doing a right things? Or did I not? This questions always play in my mind.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">Sometimes, I keep asking this, what if I did a wiser decision than the decision I've made. What if, I didnt aggressively protecting whats mine? I thought that I would be happy doing that, but I am actually not, because when I hurts people feeling, the person who actually hurts the most is me. Because I, will get hurts back when I see those people cry, because of my decision. Because I am a girl, and hurting their heart, um what can I say, its like I can feel their feeling too. I think to know their feelings, felt them, is a punishment for me, for making their heart hurts. People didnt know how much burdened that I've carry, because of my condition is not well, all of this small things is a big matters to me. I keep thinking everything is my fault. I kept asking myself and regret for what I've done. Did I overprotective whats mine? I hope I can changed the decision I've made, and letting them to enjoy their moments together. Because, I feel guilty, I blame myself, whenever I know that my dearest person wanted so much to go out, but.. they can't because of me. But.. what if I let them be, could I control my jealousy? I just.. don't know. I love to see everyone happy, but.. I really don't know how. I am truly sorry. For becoming this selfish kind of person. I sometimes forgot, others people have feelings too. For this matter, for all the selfish decision I've made, I truly am truly sorry.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: '.SFUIText'; font-size: 17pt;">I were really glad, that I were in a right state of mind at that time, the moment when I makes the decision that I'll never regret of, which is not to leave you behind. I just wondering, if I am not in a right state of mind, and give a wrong answer at that time, will you asked me to stay, or would I regret with the choices I'd makes. The answer will always be the same, in my heart, in the future, that I'll never left you. But if someday, I give you a different answer, know that at that time, I am not in the right state of mind, so don't leave me behind, without asking me to stay. The truth is, that day really makes me feel scared. And I keep remembering it till now. And keep asking what if I give a wrong answer at that time? What will happens? </span><span style="font-family: '.AppleColorEmojiUI'; font-size: 17pt;">😔</span><span style="font-family: '.SFUIText'; font-size: 17pt;"> Harapnya in the future, keadaan mcmtu tak berulang lagi.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: '.SFUIText'; font-size: 17pt;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">These things, keep haunted me for several months. I kept dreaming of them all over again and thats why, its makes me thought, that everything is my fault, that I am the one that should be blamed for, from the beginning.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: '.SFUIText'; font-size: 17pt;"></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">I let this thought in here. So that I hope it wouldnt haunted me again. I am sorry, since I get this kind of illness, I keep thinking in different ways, I keep doubting people...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">... but everyone should know, that is not what I want to think, I always trust people I dear the most, and that I trying hardly to suppress my thought from negativity, to think only the positive one, that sometimes I would crying, because I failed.</span></div>
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<div style="color: #454545; line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">At that sometimes, when I failed to suppress my thought , please forgive me, for not be able to be more tougher, than I should be.</span></div>
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<div style="color: #454545; line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">I am sorry and forgive me. Everyone did nothing wrong. Is all me who need to be blame for, because I, the only one who need to fight with myself, with my negative thought, with my illness. I realized it now, that I shouldnt asked people to do things that makes me happy. The selfish me doing those decision, just brings pain to the people who want me to be happy. Thankyou 2016 for all the happiness, for all the hardship you've giving me. I think, I've become a tougher person than before rn. 2017, I'll try harder to improve myself, to be a better me, to stop blaming myself, for the things I shouldnt.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">Goodbye 2016.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: '.SFUIText'; font-size: 17pt;">Cheer up Ayiz, leave the painful things behind, and takes the positivity with you. May 2017 brings a lot of happiness and love to all of us around the world </span><span style="font-family: '.AppleColorEmojiUI'; font-size: 17pt;">😊</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 17pt;">Lets stop the what if 😇</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: '.SFUIText'; font-size: 17pt;">-Not yet 22 </span><span style="font-family: '.AppleColorEmojiUI'; font-size: 17pt;">💐</span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-73064766160966498612016-11-26T06:52:00.000+08:002016-11-26T06:52:25.600+08:00Something to ponder and I wish I can say it.<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
Disclaimer: This should be post on 27/10. Yes it supposed to be a month ago, but you know, I always wrote something, I wrote many posts actually, but sometimes I kept it in the draft, until I've guts to post about it.<br />
<br />
"We spend so much of our lives not saying the things we want to say. The things we should say"*<br />
<br />
<br />
Assalamualaikum everyone!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
How are you all doing?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Its been awhile since my last post in my blog aite?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Well, there were a lot of things happened during those time.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The sweet and bitter ones. The most memorable and painful one. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Its already come to the end of October 2016. How time really flies.</div>
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Rasanya baru semalam ambil SPM dan tak perlu fikir macam-macam pasal how to survive in this life. </div>
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Rasanya baru semalam pergi PALAM and enjoying my student life. </div>
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Rasanya baru semalam tengah berbelah bahagi lagi nak sambung dekat Egypt atau tidak, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but here I am now, already a 4th year medical student of Alexandria University. </div>
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All grateful and gratitude, to Allah, the Most Merciful One.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Four years I've been here, there are a lot of things I've learnt. A lot of things makes me ponder.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
On March of 2016, I've been diagnosed to have a depression. </div>
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Not a serious one, but still, it affect my whole life after that.</div>
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How I am thinking, how I am feeling, how I am struggling.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Everything.</div>
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And its the most painful moments for me, I guess.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
There were many times, no, there were countless time I was broke down, stumble at the middle of the journey, wanting to give up, crying all alone here, making some stupid decision, hurting all people around me.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But, then.</div>
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I was survived.</div>
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I still survive.</div>
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And I will survive in the future.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I need to and I will.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Tak minta jadi macam ni. Penat sangat tahu.</div>
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When I was in that state. I tend to hurt people around me, and hurting them was actually hurting me too.</div>
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They are all the people I dear the most. The people who never gave up on me, no matter how hard it is to handle me.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I am, truly grateful to have those people who never gave up on me.</div>
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I know, I know well they were tired.</div>
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I know, I know well they continuously asking questions 'when this girl is going to be okay?'</div>
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I know, I know well they were trying to be as patience as they could.</div>
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I know very well all of this. I am sorry to put my dearest people in a hard situation.</div>
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I am trying hard to get better, so please, never give up on me.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I seriously missing the old me :(</div>
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The one who didn't feel anxious of anything.</div>
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The one that trusting people whole-heartedly, without being doubtful.</div>
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The one that people easily can talk their problem, makes some fun with me, didn't need to take care of my feeling.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Doakan, doakan saya utk jadi seperti dulu.</div>
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To care for something that I shouldn't, it's tiring.</div>
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To give attention for a small matter, it's tiring, too.</div>
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People have their own life, and I should't control them.</div>
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I was a loser to ask people to do things that comfort me.</div>
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<br /></div>
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For that, I am truly sorry.</div>
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<br /></div>
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It have been five months.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The longest five months of my entire life..<br />
<br />
-------<br />
<br />
<br />
*The things that I want to say to you,<br />
the things that I should say to you,<br />
some of that are<br />
<br />
I am truly sorry for being like this immature and sick.<br />
I am truly thankful for your patience all these time.<br />
<br />
and I hope you know that..<br />
I really likes you.<br />
I really want you.<br />
I really adore you.<br />
I really miss you.<br />
I really care about you.<br />
<br />
and<br />
I really love you.<br />
<br />
How I wish you know that.</div>
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<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-551122564992909942016-11-01T05:57:00.002+08:002016-11-01T05:57:49.187+08:00Kebergantungan<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Assalamualaikum semua.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I want to share with you this one story.</div>
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I found it so interesting. Well at least for me.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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I had a meeting just now. A very long one tho. </div>
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After my class ended at noon, I went for a lunch and immediately attended the meeting. </div>
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And yes at 10pm I just came back.</div>
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So happy to see my lovely bedroom again after a very long tiring day!</div>
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While waiting for people to come, there were a lots of caring people asked me if I'am doing fine or not. How the PSD progression? They told me to ask them for help if I need one.</div>
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I were so grateful to have these kind of people. That always support each other in doing good deeds for society.</div>
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There was one girl, came to me and we had a short talk.</div>
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"Na, okay tak? Are you keep your health healthy? How are you doing? How's the PSD progression? Kenapa muka nampak risau sangat?" She asked.</div>
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"Hm entahlah kak. Futur deh. Duit program tak cukup banyak nih. Tak tahu dah nak cari mana. Dah cut macam-II bajet but yet still tak cukup. And PSD 3 hari lagi kak" I replied. Feeling want to cry at that time, seriously.</div>
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"Hm berapa tu yang tak cukup?" Dia tanya balik.</div>
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"Adalah kak." Segan nak bagitahu masalah program sendiri sebenarnya.</div>
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"Na, apa tujuan na jadi Timbalan Pengarah PSD?" She asked. Calmly.</div>
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"To help people. Untuk lancarkan gerak kerja kak. Siapa lagi nak terima taqdiman jawatan kalau bukan kita yang faham ni kak?" I said. Trying hard to apply what I learnt, from Islam; 'Sebaik-baik manusia adalah manusia yang bermanfaat kepada orang lain'</div>
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"Jadi. Apa tujuan PSD nih diadakan agak-II awak?" Dia tanya balik. </div>
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"Utk ajak org bersukan cara Islam, kak. Tutup aurat, ikhwah akhawat diasingkan tempat sukan. Nak kata Islam tu syumul kak" Jawab aku, tersekat-sekat. Tahu, akak sedang menguji tahap kefahaman aku.</div>
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"Jadi wak. Bila tujuannya utk Islam, awak takkan tak percaya Allah akan tolong awak? Takkan Allah nak biar pulak gerak kerja awak stagnant, padahal niat awak mmg terang-II utk Islam. Refleks balik tahap kebergantungan awak kat Allah. Jangan risau sangat. Everything eventually will be fine." She calmed me down.</div>
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Sentap.</div>
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Tiba-tiba insaf sendiri.</div>
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Dimana tahap kebergantungan aku dekat Dia.</div>
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I asked myself.</div>
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Then we focused to our meeting.</div>
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The meeting ended well, and someone gave me something.</div>
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"Nah, hope this will help you a lil. Be tough! PSD wil be great, don't worry. We all will pray hard for you and the AJKP!"</div>
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I went home, and looked up the things that I've received.</div>
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Guess what, there were a lot of money in there. And I counted.</div>
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LE 807!</div>
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'Ya Allah, how come people are so kind-hearted to give this much of money.'</div>
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That was exactly the amount we needed T.T (Plus lebih LE 7 lagi)</div>
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And when I read my whatsapp, there was one of my AJKP texted this things;</div>
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"Alhamdulillah, sumbangan peribadi yang saya peroleh harini is LE 700"</div>
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And I just like, wow thats make the total up LE 1500+</div>
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And thats when I realized, pertolongan Allah tu mmg datang dari arah yang tak disangka.</div>
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Nikmat apa lagilah yang kita dustakan y.y</div>
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Tanpa Dia mmg kami tak mampu. Allah jugalah yang memampukan dan menguatkan kita.</div>
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Kuatkan kebergantungan kita pada-Nya. The good things will always happens soon, esp if you do something for Islam :)</div>
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Doakan PSD 4hb ini berjalan dengan lancar.</div>
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Doakan Allah permudahkan segala urusan kami.</div>
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Doakan Allah beri aku kekuatan fizikal dan mental.</div>
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Doakan dan doakan.</div>
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Alhamdulillah a'la kulli ni'mah, a'la kulli hal. Allah hadirkan sahabat-II yang pemurah untuk menyumbang disaat kamii memerlukan.</div>
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Syukran awi kepada insan-insan yang menyumbang. Moga Allah kira pengorbanan kalian :)</div>
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Hidup ini, perlu ada kefahaman, perlu ada keikhlasan, perlu untuk beramal, perlu untuk berjihad, perlu untuk berkorban, perlu taat akan pimpinan, perlu tetapkan pendirian, perlu bertajarrud, perlu berukhwah dan perlu tsiqah terhadap pmpinan dan sahabat-sahabat kita.</div>
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Sebagaimana Imam Hasan gariskan dalam kitabnya Risalah Taalim <3 p=""><div style="text-align: center;">
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-72014598250017645192016-03-10T01:13:00.001+08:002016-03-10T01:13:14.612+08:00Nusrah Allah."Allah uji sebab sayang"<div><br></div><div>Alhamdulillah, segala puji bagi Dia, yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Pengasih. Alhamdulillah, atas dua nikmat terbesar yang masih lagi Allah kurniakan kepada kita, nikmat iman dan islam.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Ingat lagi masa bulan Januari, bulan yang mana exam end of module berlangsung. Bulan yang mana aku sangat sibuk sampai tak sempat balik rumah. Yang kadang-II sampai tak sempat nak buka buku. Yang kadang-II aku rasa futur sangat dgn study dan gerak kerja aku.</div><div><br></div><div>Aku ingat lagi gap antara EOM Urinary dan EOM Endocrine, yang ketika mana aku dilanda depression yang sangat dasyat, yang ketika mana aku tak dapat nak focus langsung belajar Endo, study mmg kelaut.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Aku ingat lagi, kesibukkan menguruskan Winter Camp, di antara gap Endocrine dan Reproductive, sampaikan aku rasa aku skip banyak subjek untuk dibaca.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Aku ingat lagi ketika mana sesi pembelajaran ketiga-tiga module ini, yang mana aku kerap tak hadir ke kelas, atas faktor kesihatan yang tak mengizinkan.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Aku ingat lagi, macam mana aku tinggalkan soalan-II tak berjawab ketika mana aku menjawab peperiksaan. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Dan aku ingat lagi, betapa kebergantungan aku dekat Allah sangat tinggi masa tu. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Tapi, Alhamdulillah, dengan duit yg mengalir, dgn masa yang dikorbankan, yang bukan utk diri sendiri, nusrah Allah akan hadir, bersama-sama kita.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Jujur aku cakap, aku mmg tak boleh jawab exam haritu. Tapi, alhamdulillah, pertolongan Allah itu sentiasa ada. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Satu aku pesan, jagalah amal fardhi dan amalan-II sunat kita.</div><div><br></div><div>Al-Waqiah dan Dhuha di pagi hari, Al-Mathurat di petang hari, Al-Mulk dan Witir di malam hari, dan qiamulail jika mampu. </div><div><br></div><div>Al-Quran jangan tinggal. At least ada surah yang kau akan baca daily.</div><div><br></div><div>Macam aku, aku cuba amalkan;</div><div>Isnin: As-Sajadah</div><div>Selasa: Luqman</div><div>Rabu: Ar-Rahman</div><div>Khamis: Yasin</div><div>Jumaat: Al-Kahfi</div><div>Sabtu: Nuh</div><div>Ahad: Al-Qalam</div><div><br></div><div>Dan before pergi exam, atau apa2 sahaja perkara besar dlm hidup kau, amalkan baca surah al-Fath. Moga ia dpt membuka jalan kita kearah kemenangan :)</div><div><br></div><div>Jujur aku pesan, jaga amal fardhi kita, sebab aku baru diuji, dgn tinggalnya amalan yang kita biasa lakukan, kau takkan kuat nak buat apa-II. Mmg sifat malas 24 jam sehari ada dlm diri kita. Sbb apa? Sbb Allah yg memampukan kita. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Alhamdulillah, Allah tarik aku kembali, dari sifat futur yang sangatlah teruk ketika mana aku sedang bercuti.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-69646956869397189702016-01-09T06:32:00.001+08:002016-01-09T06:32:10.509+08:00Just know that"A soul mate will walk with through the brights and dims"<div><br></div><div>Assalamualaikum WBT</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Hai semua! Happy new year (walaupun dah lambat 8 hari) Macam biasa, sebab aku nak exam aku menulislah kat sini haha. Kalini bukan sebab stress (ye stress gak sbb tak habis study lagi nih, tapi kalini aku tak tulis sbb aku stress)</div><div><br></div><div>Actually aku dah masuk 21 tahun dah (eh I mean lagi 6 bulan lah kan), but still aku ni masih berperangai kebudak-budakan. Akak-II nak taqdim aku sbg timbalan pengarah program pun fikir banyak kali dan last-II disinilah aku, menjadi kuli membantu mensmoothkan gerak kerja setiap program. But yet, still aku happy dpt jd kuli, cause thats what I love, bila lagi nak bg manfaat dkt org lain kan? Btw haritu aku tak dapat nak jd OB, hehe tipulah kalau aku kata aku tak sedih sbb sebenarnya dari 1st year lagi aku nak masuk OB, tapi takpe Allah tahu apa yg terbaik dkt aku. Dia tahu aku ni selalu sakit, dan Dia tahu aku ni tak pernah tolak taklifan jadi AJK apa-II, jadi Dia tahu kemampuan aku dgn keadaan kesihatan aku. Bersangka baik dgn Allah, Dia mengikut sangkaan hambaNya. Ramai tanya kenapa aku tak pernah tolak taklifan, dengan keadaan aku yang selalu sakit dan taklifan aku kadang2 sangat banyak, sampai boleh tindih banyak kerja dalam satu masa, study pun kadang2 tak boleh nak stabil. </div><div><br></div><div>Ini jawapan aku, pendapat peribadi aku. Aku tahu, tujuan parents aku hantar aku ke sini utk study. Tapi aku kena tahu jugak, tujuan Allah cipta aku utk bg manfaat kpd org lain. Kalau aku tak pandai balancekan waktu bljr, itu salah aku, bukan salah taklifan yg aku terima. Aku masih kurang bab mengatur masa dan aku sedang perbaiki. Dgn terima taklifan, aku sedang perbaiki diri, dan aku sedang sibukkan diri, dan aku sedang mentarbiyah diri. Dan yang paling penting, bila aku fikir balik kita ni hidup tak lama, jadi aku taktahu apa bekalan yg aku bawak nanti. Jadi aku harap dgn menerima taklifan ni dpt menjadi saham akhirat aku disana. Dan walau byk mana taklifan aku terima, aku pun tak pasti gerak kerja mana yg Allah terima. Jadi kenapa tidak, selagi aku mampu, aku cuba menerima taklifan. </div><div><br></div><div>(Sebenarnya dah lari topik)</div><div><br></div><div>Lately ni aku selalu bincang serious matter with this one important person to me :) Bila aku fikir balik, betullah aku ni tak matang perangai je, tapi fikiran aku dah matang (sikit) sebab dah boleh fikir benda2 macam ni. Aku tahu perkara ni berat, berat utk dia dan berat jugak utk aku. Tapi aku nak dia tahu, aku ketengahkan topik ni sbb aku yakin dgn keputusan aku. Dan aku doakan yang terbaik utk kami berdua.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Just know that, I'll be at your side susah senang.</div><div>Just know that, I'll be at your side jatuh bangun.</div><div>Just know that, I'll be at your side gagal berjaya.</div><div><br></div><div>Tapi yes, cakap mmg senang. Kita tak tahu boleh realisasi ke tak kan? I mean betul ke aku akan sentiasa ada walaupun waktu dia susah, jatuh, gagal. Subjective sangat these matter. Tapi ingat balik, dah berapa kali dia jatuh dan aku masih disisi, dan dah berapa kali jugak aku gagal dan dia masih menyokong. </div><div><br></div><div>We had experience all of these and I know it'll get harder. Just know that, we'll try to survive, and one day kita akan sama2 berjaya 😊</div><div><br></div><div>I'm sorry, for burdened you with these kind of matter, planning and so on, just take it easy, I won't push you when we both are not ready yet, inshaaAllah if the times come, everything will eventually happens.</div><div><br></div><div>Be happy, and enjoy your life, dont stressed out and strive towards glory. You are doing great, just the way you are :)</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-32761875154332942742015-12-11T18:14:00.001+08:002015-12-13T06:18:22.614+08:00Family, Friends, I miss you.Assalamualaikum WBT<div><br><div>"فاصبر صبرا جميلا"</div></div><div><br></div><div>Alhamdulillah, for all the ni'mat Allah gave me. Dengan dosa-II yang masih aku lakukan, Allah still bagi nikmat yang banyak, yang tak terkira banyaknya. Moga Allah ampuni kita semua, kekhilafan dan dosa-II kita.</div><div><br></div><div>I miss writing to my blog. Its my therapy for my stress. You know, I get a lil bit depression rn. Mungkin sbb berjauhan dgn family, mungkin sbb banyaknya kerja yang tertunggak, mungkin sbb sibuknya keadaan skrg dan mungkin jugak sbb susahnya bidang perubatan ini. But no matter what, I need to survive, and trying not to give up.</div><div><br></div><div>I miss my family. Family dah makin besar. Dgn kehadiran abang ipar, Abg Faizullah, dgn kehadiran kakak Ipar, Kak Rene, dan dgn kehadiran anak buah tersayang, Muhammad Firaz Anaqi, my family is really getting bigger. Rindu sangat dekat family. Rasa ralat sebenarnya tak dapat bersama di Malaysia. Bukan ralat yang sedikit, rasa ralat tu terlalu banyak, dan jika aku seorang yang lemah, mmg dah lama aku menangis disini. </div><div><br></div><div>And one more good news, my family will get more bigger, dengan kehadiran anak kakak yang akan melihat dunia ini pada bulan 2 inshaaAllah. Doakan semuanya dipermudahkan utk kakak. I wish I can give some support to my sister, take a good care of her. But I couldn't do much. Just staying here, and see. From far away.</div><div><br></div><div>Friends. </div><div><br></div><div>Maybe I just miss for being a childish girl, yang tak fikir tentang apa2 masalah. Yang duduk melepak bergosip makan chips sambil bukak cerita lama. Maybe I just miss those moment. The moment when I don't have to be so serious.</div><div><br></div><div>But I'm now in different level, not the one yang still bergelak hu-ha mencari gosip dunia. I've left that world. Dah jarang tengok drama, dah jarang tahu kisah selebriti, dah rasa tak cakna dgn semua tu. Maybe sebab aku kini sedang ditarbiyah oleh rakan seperjuangan, utk fikirkan masalah ummah kita. Utk fikirkan pelapis utk teruskan tali penyampaian dakwah. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>So thats make me not aware with all those small matter.</div><div><br></div><div>I just miss all of you, and the moments I spent together with you.</div><div><br></div><div>When you get yourself busy, you'll miss all that little things. </div><div><br></div><div>Kuatkan jiwa.</div><div><br></div><div>Kau kena hadap org tengking kau, kau kena hadap org suruh kau pergi sana pergi sini, kau kena hadap hidup susah, kau kena hadap masa yg tak cukup utk kau prepare exam, kau kena hadap duit kau habis macam air, kau kena hadap org paksa kau buat itu buat ini. Kau kena hadap banyak benda bertembung dlm sehari, kau kena hadap spend time masa kau utk org lain. Kau kena hadap semua tu, sbb kau kena rendahkan ego kau dan kurangkan manja kau. </div><div><br></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Sbb aku hadap semua ni, ego aku dah down to the bottom.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Aku lebih suka minta maaf walau aku tak buat salah. Aku lebih suka bertegur sapa dulu bila org tak nak bertegur sapa. And who know me better, you know I'm not the person yg suka minta maaf atau tegur org, dulu.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Bila kau fikir balik, bila kau dah faham suatu hari nanti, you'll know life is hard, life is tough. Tapi Syurga tu pun bukan murah. </span></div><div><br></div><div>So dont worry about me, I'm getting tough here. I've been trained so well to be a tough person. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-46021068456073627682015-10-30T02:00:00.001+08:002015-10-30T02:00:30.950+08:00Acting" Expectation kills; to much expectation can leads to sadness "<div><br></div><div>Assalamualaikum wbt semua 😊</div><div><br></div><div>Its have been 5 months kan since my last post in this blog, I'm sorry, banyak je benda nak cerita. But too many social accounts makes me forget this blog ): Tapi since my blog is always my good therapy when I'm stressed out, tambah2 bila nak exam ni and I always love to write what the thingss that messed up my mind.</div><div><br></div><div>Kadang-II, leaving far away from your family, from your lovely hometown, really forced you to be a tough person. Not you wanna to be, but yes you've too. And kadang-II tu bukan you're a tough person, you just acting to be. So that everyone will not worry a single things about you. </div><div><br></div><div>Dekat sini, I really hate home. Bukan sebab housemate tak best, bukan sebab rumah tak selesa, but I hate the feeling of being alone in my room. Down semacam bila duduk rumah. Down to the bottom really. I would love to have a roommate, but I don't know who can bear with my behaviour. Thats why, I'm prefer to do things with PCI because I dont have to be at home. Keluar pagi, balik malam. Yes mmg exhauted. But thats how I can be more tougher than now. Home is just a place for me to get my wifi, contact with my lovely people, sleep, study a bit and thats it. </div><div><br></div><div>Kadang-II I'm tired to act like I'm a tough person. Penat. Penat sangat. People always asked me are you okay? No I'm not okay. I never be okay. But yes, because I'm far away from those people who can comfort me, so..</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I need to be okay.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Lama lagi nak balik Malaysia. Might be a year, might be 2 years. Pray for me here, to be really okay, not just acting to be okay.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Things get more harder lately, I need to be okay. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-89807956556386956472015-05-05T19:44:00.001+08:002015-05-05T19:54:33.769+08:00Selamat Pengantin Baru 💞<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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Alhamdulillah , 1 Mei 2015 kakak dah selamat menjadi isteri kepada Abg Faizul . Seperti yang semua orang tahu , aku tak dapat balik Malaysia meraikan hari berbahagia kakak , tapi yes I enjoy the day here . Having such an awesome girl bestfriend likes Nurin is sooooo nice really . Boleh dia angkut handphone dia sepanjang majlis supaya dia boleh update berita dekat aku . And dia layankan aje apa aku suruh dia buat, suruh tangkap gambar dengan dia ini dia itu, dia buat aje dengan redha . Really she is my bestfriend foreverrrr gituuu . And then , Asyraf also came with his parents 🙈 You know memang riuh la CNB mana diorg expect introvert macam aku boleh berkawan dengan lelaki . Lepastu he came with his parents pulak tu . You can imagined how suprise my family were when they realized how serious our relation sampaikan family dia pun dah tahu kan . Hahaha .</div>
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Btw , I really had a good day eventhough aku terpaksa mereput sensorang kat sini, but its a good experience really .</div>
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Btw, congratulation my dear sister. Yey Ayiz dah dapat abang baru so balik nanti boleh lah buli hehe . And inshaaAllah my brother will be a father soonnnn yeyyy doakan semua berjalan lancar ya inshaaAllah . Alhamdulillah syukur atas nikmatmu ya Allah 💞</div>
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Btw, here I share with you some of the picture that I've received .</div>
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Till then !</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-14437689913439044622015-04-23T00:30:00.001+08:002015-04-23T00:30:24.964+08:00Endure <div style="text-align: center;">
" Ujian itu tanda Dia sayang bukan ? Jadi bagainmana kita nak tahu kita dapat tempuhi ujian itu ?</div>
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Bila terima ujian , kau akan cakap Alhamdulillah .</div>
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Dan tika itu, mungkin kau sudah lulus :) "</div>
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These few days , kekerapan migrain dan gastrik aku makin kerap .</div>
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Orang kata sebab kerja aku makin banyak .</div>
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Tak . Bukan sebab kerja .</div>
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Aku pasti bukan sebab kerja-II persatuan aku .</div>
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Sebabnya , aku dah lepaskan banyak jawatan aku .</div>
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Dan kerja aku makin sikit . Srsly .</div>
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Ada orang kata mungkin aku stress study CVS .</div>
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Atau mungkin aku dah fed up bila dapat keputusan exam CNS hari itu ?</div>
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Tak . Sebab result CNS hari itu aku ada semangat baru .</div>
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Mana mungkin aku fed up CVS sebab result CNS .</div>
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I know . People will get sick of me .</div>
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Sebab selalu sangat sakit .</div>
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The fact is , I'm also get sick of myself .</div>
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" Ayiz pura-II sakit atau sakit betul ? "</div>
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" Tak datang kelas lagi Ayiz today ? "</div>
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Dude , kau ingat seronok ke pura-II sakit ?</div>
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Dude , kalau aku datang kelas , bila aku sakit dekat kelas , korang marah aku datang kelas .</div>
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Bila aku tak datang , aku dapat ayat aku pura-II sakit ?</div>
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And dude , kau ingat seronok ke tak datang kelas bila miss semua practical and lectures .</div>
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Please , this kind of thought will trigger my stress .</div>
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Please , stop this kind of thought .</div>
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I know , all of you tired because of me .</div>
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And you know what , I'm tired of myself too .</div>
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Buat apa aku nak berpura-II , kalau aku berpura you know senang je Allah nak bagi aku betul-II sakit.</div>
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" Kenapa doe kau tak makan ubat je ? "</div>
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You know what , toxic dalam badan aku sebab ubat-II dah banyak .</div>
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Ubat yang aku ambil dose dia tinggi , yknow , I've to think about that too bila aku nak makan ubat .</div>
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Kau ingat aku saje-II taknak makan ubat ?</div>
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And I think , I know why this happened .</div>
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It just maybe , it maybe because I endure this pain by myself .</div>
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And because of that , my physical and mental are not in such a good condition .</div>
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Balik kepada Tuhan , Ayiz .</div>
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Kita hidup berTuhan .</div>
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Don't endure it by yourself . </div>
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I know , you can't make your parents worried , and your siblings too .</div>
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But yeah , He's always there for you .</div>
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Sebab kau hidup berTuhan , perkara ini hanya ujian .</div>
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Alhamdulillah .</div>
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Thankyou for those who always be there , be patient with me when I've my migraine and gastric .</div>
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And I'm sorry , for making all of you worried .</div>
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And sick of me .</div>
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I'm sorry , truely sorry .. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-15505719033789447662015-02-08T23:50:00.001+08:002015-02-08T23:50:12.931+08:00Dearest bro , RIP<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-EJclreABQas/VNeCNmHenuI/AAAAAAAADKw/WMuhxnjvR2o/s640/blogger-image--2034053926.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-EJclreABQas/VNeCNmHenuI/AAAAAAAADKw/WMuhxnjvR2o/s640/blogger-image--2034053926.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"> <a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-qzrzMpyybUk/VNeCKIaK6uI/AAAAAAAADKg/rT96kJ-X3aI/s640/blogger-image-979929045.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-qzrzMpyybUk/VNeCKIaK6uI/AAAAAAAADKg/rT96kJ-X3aI/s640/blogger-image-979929045.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-DxEqfP6iAVg/VNeCIFabbuI/AAAAAAAADKY/f_OFLf7jzTk/s640/blogger-image--768990464.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-DxEqfP6iAVg/VNeCIFabbuI/AAAAAAAADKY/f_OFLf7jzTk/s640/blogger-image--768990464.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-nSITS7uqBt0/VNeCL3rxzTI/AAAAAAAADKo/8UyiBYS1yPc/s640/blogger-image-1592949793.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-nSITS7uqBt0/VNeCL3rxzTI/AAAAAAAADKo/8UyiBYS1yPc/s640/blogger-image-1592949793.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The truth is , I miss this guy also . Even tak selalu jumpa , but he really a very kind man I've ever seen . Rest in peace bro and Al-Fatihah . Its have been 5 years already :'(</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-50017362732173339562015-02-01T03:00:00.001+08:002015-02-01T04:00:53.898+08:00Logam dan Tanta<div>
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" With God, nothing is impossible. "</div>
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Salam hai semua ☺️ I just realized that , when I'm updating my blog , its one of my therapy for stress . Cause yes , I love to membebel , aite ?</div>
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Btw , this time I want to share with you a game that we play in Tanta . It is a game of peoples' thought about me and for sure , some of them I don't know whose thought is it , and some of them I know .</div>
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Ayiz in Tanta</div>
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So here there are ;</div>
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" Assalamualaikum ayiz ! :) </div>
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Ayiz , ayiz ni active sangat tau tak ? Active involvekan diri dalam aktiviti-II . Teruskan okay ? Keep on making people to :) " - Anonymous 1</div>
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" Dear Ayiz 🐾 , a kind , fun , humble , responsible girl . May Allah ease you on this journey . He has choosen you . Thank you for willing to spend your time for the sake of helping the people around you , and for the religion of Allah . May Allah repay you for all your good deeds , insyaAllah ❤️ " - Ainatul Syaheera</div>
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" Salam Ayiz omey , Ayiz suka tolong orang , seorang yang berhati mulia , bertanggungjawab ... Banyak idea-2 bernas yang daebak !! Stay amazing ~ Goodluck 4 exam ! Excellent for ummah ❤️ inshaAllah . أحبك في الله " - Sarah Fariha </div>
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" My dearest ayiz , someone who I know sangat pandai overcome problem . Look very fragile outside somehow very soft-hearted . Always come for others rather than yourself . Very proud to be one of ur friends ! Jannah together ok ! :) " - Anonymous 2</div>
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" Ayiz , Ayiz rajin sangat . Kat mane-2 je ade ayiz . Rajin tolong sane sini . Semoga Allah balas . Thanks jugak untuk note-2 yang Ayiz post dekat Fb Imec . Semoga dengan asbab tu , Ayiz dapat result cemerlang . Ameen . Fighting !! " - Anonymous 3</div>
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" Selalu memvolunteerkan diri dlm apa-2 organisasi , selalu menonjolkan diri , pandai berkata-2 , banyak idea . Kau kuat ayiz ! Kan sifat pemuda fathyatun kiram , adalah yg kuat semangatnya . Kau kuat ayiz ! Kau boleh ! Kalau nak zahirkan dengan kata-2 susah nak describe kau satu-2 , tapi segala yg aku nampak kau memang bagus bagus bagus sbb aku tau kawan aku . Aku nak jadi macam kau " - Izzah Zulaikha</div>
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" ❤️ Ayiz ❤️ </div>
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Periang , jujur , bersemangat seorang pemuda , keep on menjadi fetya kepada ummat . ' Senjata antunna hanya 2 , hubungan baik dgn Allah & akhlak dgn manusia . Dgn itu , 2 cinta berhimpun , cinta الله , cinta مأنسي . " - Anonymous 4</div>
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" بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم </div>
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Ayiz dear ❤️ , ayiz la yg akak tengok , antara org yg sedar akan maslahat umat sekarang . Ayiz juga yg akak perhatikan , dapat membawa memimpin umat sekeliling . Maka islah diri supaya kita memimpin dgn ihsan ! " - Kak Farah</div>
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" Dear Ayiz , </div>
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Ayiz sgt-2 berpotensi ! & You're the chosen one for Allah . May Allah guide u always insyaAllah " - Anonymous 5</div>
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" ❤️ Dear Ayiz yang qowiy </div>
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- akak yakin semua org dah tahu & ayiz pun tahu potensi ayiz </div>
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- cuma , ayiz lah yang bertanggungjawab utk menjadi pemuda utk agama </div>
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- pilihlah utk menjadi pemudi yang menggerakkan umat !</div>
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- Hidup mulia/mati syahid matlamat kite !</div>
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- Sambutlah tangan utk bersama-sama dlm dakwah ! " - Anonymous 6</div>
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Thank you all , for all this kind and positive thoughts . Aku sendiri ragu-II dgn pendapat mereka tentang diri aku . I'm posting this here , not to show off my good deeds , but I'm afraid that one day this one piece of sheet will lost , so I can read this in my blog . And for sure , I post it here to rejuvenate my hamasah , my imaan , when I'm down , and malas , and futur especially time-II nak exam and dapat bertimpa-timpa ujian . </div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">May this bond even just knowing them for one day , will be long-lasting until Jannah !</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I found that , this game is quite interesting and give me some confidence :) </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">So , what is your thought about me my friends ?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Btw ask me if you don't know why this post is named Logam :)</span></div>
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Till then !</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-81194120766713547062015-01-31T04:04:00.000+08:002015-01-31T07:09:51.330+08:00A beautiful story ; Sabr | Doa | Him<div style="text-align: center;">
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" Kejarlah kehidupan yang mulia , dan kematian yang syahid "</div>
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Somehow my mind came out with this beautiful story .</div>
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Yes , for me I think it is really , really a beautiful story .</div>
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Y'know , when your friends are pursuing their study , and you chose the different pathway from them ; which is doing some job , its going to be hard .</div>
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I can't imaging how hard it is .</div>
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You've to ignore peoples' talk , you've to bear your friends talking about the college , and university and how tough their class was . You've to bear the negative thinking of others' : why you've to choose this path ? Why you didn't pursuing your study ? And there are many whys that came from those people . If I was them , I'll asked the same question too .</div>
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Y'know , its really hard , and I can't even imaging how hard it is , really .</div>
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How he can bear the situation ?</div>
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How he can ignore the peoples' talk ?</div>
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How can he be so strong ?</div>
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To live in the hard situation .</div>
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And not to forget , how he can manage the job he do ? Like , yes seriously not many people are strong as he is .</div>
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He must had a lot of sabr to stick with what he do .</div>
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The fact is , he got the chance to pursue his study for the degree , but yeah , it was not his passion to continue in Culinary . </div>
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It was 30th of January .</div>
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He said , the result will came out at 3.00 pm .</div>
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I was waiting for the text .</div>
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And prayed hardly .</div>
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Cause I can't imaging how frust he will if he didn't get his degree this time .</div>
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I was waiting , till I got very sleepy , and slept for awhile .</div>
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When I woke up , I read the text he gave to me .</div>
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And , wallahi I was about to cry .</div>
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Like seriously ?</div>
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He did it .</div>
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Allah gave the chance to him for pursuing his study in degree .</div>
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You really don't know how grateful I was .</div>
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MashaaAllah , O Allah , thankyou for this oppurtunity .</div>
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Alhamdulillah .</div>
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Y'know , when I was joking around , that I was dreaming about ' Mat ' and not Oppa ?</div>
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And I also said that , it was not MatLuthfi but ' Mat lain ' .</div>
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And I also said ' biarlah rahsia ' , right ?</div>
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I was not ready to tell you yet what I was dreaming about .</div>
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The truth is , I was dreaming that ,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">the parents , I don't know whose parents they were but I believed they were yours</div>
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Doing their sujood syukur .</div>
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When I woke up that day , I was like , ' O Allah , please , make this dream to be happen '</div>
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And Alhamdulillah , it was happen , and Allah has answered our prays , aite ?</div>
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When I went to Tanta , and y'know that there's no hijaab of musafirins' doa ? </div>
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I was praying that you'll get the degree , the degree that you really want , the degree that you passionate of .</div>
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I was also praying that I'll not have to repeat any papers for this year , and that I can go back to Malaysia in early of this May . Amiin .</div>
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Y'know , this really a good story of Sabr , and Doa .</div>
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I didn't know if this is the power of your Sabr , or the power of peoples' doa , or yeah it must really both !</div>
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Because , He'll gave to you when its come to the perfect time :)</div><div style="text-align: center;">Y'know , now you're better than others cause you've more experience than they have , didn't Allah's plan is beautiful enough ?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br></div>
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Y'know , when you feel really down , that you'll fall to the bottom , that you'll give up in life , just remember this story .</div>
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The beautiful of Sabr , Doa and Him .</div>
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P/s : I'm sorry , for the grammatical error , it just my story won't come out in Bahasa Melayu , and I afraid that I'll forget this story , so I'm sorry . And please , pray for my final 3rd semester . Really , I'm not ready yet T.T</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-4002703493503146762015-01-27T08:27:00.001+08:002015-02-04T08:10:35.259+08:00After a long time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">" Believe in yourself , cause people won't believe "</span></div>
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Salam hai semua konichiwa heee rindu tak ? So after a longgggggg time last last wa update blog wa today even wa skrg supposely sibuk study sebab final lagi 2 minggu mihmih . Actually wa nak post something tapi mcm bahaya sikit kalau wa post dkt IG ke Twitter ke FB tapi nak post sini pun wa rasa mcm bahaya cukuplah wa cakap wa tengah rindu parents , siblings , besties wa and someone yang everyday whatsapp pun wa still rindu adohai so wa rasa nak nangis sikit mihmih T.T Musim-II wa nak exam tambah-II tgh winter break wa usha semua orang mostly post gambar diorg bercuti dekat oversea or diorg balik Msia so emosi wa serius tak stabil wa rasa makin malas sebab stress emo jealous dkt semua org tapi diri wa sendiri kena study T.T . Sorry wa bila dah tension mmg bahasa nak acah gengster aje pastu ayat pulak malas nak letak koma ke noktah hehe itu mmg petanda besar wa dlm fasa tension/stress/tertekan pilih salah satu . <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Btw di sini wa selitkan gambar-II insan yang wa rindu yang wa teringin gila nak jumpa kalau boleh nak balik Msia sekarang and jumpa diorg :(</span></div>
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plus Chaer Fahmi Kikin Ayu Haiza Afni sorry takde gambar sebab IPhone ni guna 2 hari before dtg Egypt so tak byk gambar dgn orang-II Msia . K till then . Sorry mengarut ya Robbi saja teringin and rindu nak update blog je hihihi 🌚🌝</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15283485826128881.post-37374406877898426432014-10-26T18:17:00.001+08:002015-01-31T04:11:19.844+08:00Testing .<div style="text-align: center;">
Hiks saja nak testing blogging guna IPhone kbyeee </div>
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Alexandria || الاسكندريه</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0