Oyeah!

"Setiap perkara dan kejadian ada hikmatnya, tapi hikmat itu adalah suatu hikmat ghaib yang amat mendalam dan mungkin tidak ternampak kepada pandangan manusia yang singkat‬" - Sayyid Qutb dalam mukadimah kitabnya Tafsir fi zilal ☺️ Assalamualaikum semua 💖 How are you gais doing? I hope you gais are doing well and having a lot of fun in your daily life.  Hihi tak tahu, tiba-tiba teringin nak update blog when I am in a good mood like today. So yeah, I'll write anything yang terlintas di fikiran sekarang, so it will be a random post with some random things. You gais tahu tak, that I am getting a lot better rn. I mean my emotion, me myself is doing really great this week! Today, it will be almost 1 week I have this ease feeling, that I didnt even care what will happened (I keep counting my days being happy sbb selalunya I akan tersungkur before sampai 1 week pun, and this time I berjaya sampai more than 1 week; I hope so and lets hope it will remain constant until I get tired of counting the days that I'm happy 😍) I don't overthink things,  I succeed to supress my negative thoughts really well this week! Eventho byk jugak tweet2 yg I baca most of them sedih2, emo2 and sendu2, still I managed to ignore all those negative tweets and live a happy life. Hehe I really did well didnt I? You gais sedar tak? Hehe I hope some of you will realized it, because its not easy for me. Sampai demam2 la nak kena supress my thought actually 😂 Sbb apa demam? You gais tahu kan demam is one of our defense mechanism in our body, and just like that, socs med also have been one of my defense mechanism of my pain so that I don't need to supress my thought, but when supress my negative thought, I overwork my mind and myself, so yeahh demam la jadinya, naa I guess so jgn percaya sgt, sbb tetiba je demam in the middle of I'm getting better from all of this, so I rasa sbb tu lah 😂 Bila rasa my mood didnt seem okay je, terus I uninstall my twitter and all thise socs accounts so that I didnt post any of my negative thoughts in the socs med. Dlm seminggu ni, actually boleh kata hari2 I uninstall twitter and install it back when I am okay, thats why I succeed to post happy things je. It takes a lot of things to do, but oyeah, its really worth it. Seronok tau tgk twitter kita takde sad tweet actually ☺️ Sebenarnya kan, bukan tak nak cerita pasal masalah kita dkt org. Sometimes we just didnt find the suitable words to describe our thought. Sometimes, to write them was the only way. I dont know, I still figuring out how to share this kind of thought with people around me. Hihi lets give me some time to figure this out okay? ☺️ Buat slow slow, I scared that if I buat everything in this mean time, I'll get fatigue and suffocated again, so yeahh kita buat apa yg termampu dulu 😊 Well some of you must wondering what I am doing rn to find myself back. Well, I reread all the old conversations of me with those people who close to me. I reread my post in this blog and I reread all the happy tweet I post before. Byk benda I buat actually nak cari balik diri sendiri 😂 And yeah, during my time when I've negative thoughts but I need to supress it, I'll immediately uninstall my twitter and terus sibukkan diri. kadang2 saya study topics yg saya skipped (sbb tak larat sgt pergi kelas waktu demam haritu), kdg2 involved in programme (but for this time being, I prefer to be left alone in the house, and get some rest from hectic life for awhile, nanti I dah betul2 okay, I start menyumbang balik okay 😇), most of the time layan kdrama (now tgh tgk signal! Mindblowing betul cerita tu. And oh yeah park bo young ade cerita baru 😍 You gais should watch PBY in oh my ghost, GOD DIA ADORABLE SGTTT OKAY!), and for those yg baca my previous post, I ada niat nak baca certain2 kitab kan ☺️ Now I'm work on it, baru mulakan maza yakni, hadis and tafsir fi zilal. Gilir2 baca ikut mood. Hihi doakanlah boleh khatamkan and diberi kefahaman dan ilmu yang bermanfaat ya 😁 And lastly yeah sometimes I'm just scrolling the twitter, stalking some people and yeah end my day with sleep w/o any worries or cries anymore. Well nightmares still selalu je dpt, but yeah I'll ignore everything that makes my life miserable before 😊 Eventho I dah bukak my socs med, I still in an uzlah phase rn. I still didnt wanna meet people now, and didnt want to involve in anything for awhile. I just want to be at home, doing stuff that makes me feel at ease. I still in recovery phase and I know my emotion is still in fragile state. To say that I am completely recovered, it just too soon enough, but lets hope this kind of emotion will lasts till forever okay! 😍 For those who always there for me, thank you. You know, I'll always pray that may Allah rewards all of you w/ jannatul firdausi because you didnt let this girl, into such destruction of herself 💖 Alhamdulillah, oyeah! Thanks Allah for this wonderful feeling. Dah lama tak rasa happy macam ni 😇 Till then gais! Cheer up. Things will be a lot more better if you gais feels that everything have hikmah on it 😉😘