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20151211

Family, Friends, I miss you.

Assalamualaikum WBT

"فاصبر صبرا جميلا"

Alhamdulillah, for all the ni'mat Allah gave me. Dengan dosa-II yang masih aku lakukan, Allah still bagi nikmat yang banyak, yang tak terkira banyaknya. Moga Allah ampuni kita semua, kekhilafan dan dosa-II kita.

I miss writing to my blog. Its my therapy for my stress. You know, I get a lil bit depression rn. Mungkin sbb berjauhan dgn family, mungkin sbb banyaknya kerja yang tertunggak, mungkin sbb sibuknya keadaan skrg dan mungkin jugak sbb susahnya bidang perubatan ini. But no matter what, I need to survive, and trying not to give up.

I miss my family. Family dah makin besar. Dgn kehadiran abang ipar, Abg Faizullah, dgn kehadiran kakak Ipar, Kak Rene, dan dgn kehadiran anak buah tersayang, Muhammad Firaz Anaqi, my family is really getting bigger. Rindu sangat dekat family. Rasa ralat sebenarnya tak dapat bersama di Malaysia. Bukan ralat yang sedikit, rasa ralat tu terlalu banyak, dan jika aku seorang yang lemah, mmg dah lama aku menangis disini. 

And one more good news, my family will get more bigger, dengan kehadiran anak kakak yang akan melihat dunia ini pada bulan 2 inshaaAllah. Doakan semuanya dipermudahkan utk kakak. I wish I can give some support to my sister, take a good care of her. But I couldn't do much. Just staying here, and see. From far away.

Friends. 

Maybe I just miss for being a childish girl, yang tak fikir tentang apa2 masalah. Yang duduk melepak bergosip makan chips sambil bukak cerita lama. Maybe I just miss those moment. The moment when I don't have to be so serious.

But I'm now in different level, not the one yang still bergelak hu-ha mencari gosip dunia. I've left that world. Dah jarang tengok drama, dah jarang tahu kisah selebriti, dah rasa tak cakna dgn semua tu. Maybe sebab aku kini sedang ditarbiyah oleh rakan seperjuangan, utk fikirkan masalah ummah kita. Utk fikirkan pelapis utk teruskan tali penyampaian dakwah. 


So thats make me not aware with all those small matter.

I just miss all of you, and the moments I spent together with you.

When you get yourself busy, you'll miss all that little things. 

Kuatkan jiwa.

Kau kena hadap org tengking kau, kau kena hadap org suruh kau pergi sana pergi sini, kau kena hadap hidup susah, kau kena hadap masa yg tak cukup utk kau prepare exam, kau kena hadap duit kau habis macam air, kau kena hadap org paksa kau buat itu buat ini. Kau kena hadap banyak benda bertembung dlm sehari, kau kena hadap spend time masa kau utk org lain. Kau kena hadap semua tu, sbb kau kena rendahkan ego kau dan kurangkan manja kau.  

Sbb aku hadap semua ni, ego aku dah down to the bottom.

Aku lebih suka minta maaf walau aku tak buat salah. Aku lebih suka bertegur sapa dulu bila org tak nak bertegur sapa. And who know me better, you know I'm not the person yg suka minta maaf atau tegur org, dulu.

Bila kau fikir balik, bila kau dah faham suatu hari nanti, you'll know life is hard, life is tough. Tapi Syurga tu pun bukan murah. 

So dont worry about me, I'm getting tough here. I've been trained so well to be a tough person. 



20151030

Acting

" Expectation kills; to much expectation can leads to sadness "

Assalamualaikum wbt semua 😊

Its have been 5 months kan since my last post in this blog, I'm sorry, banyak je benda nak cerita. But too many social accounts makes me forget this blog ): Tapi since my blog is always my good therapy when I'm stressed out, tambah2 bila nak exam ni and I always love to write what the thingss that messed up my mind.

Kadang-II, leaving far away from your family, from your lovely hometown, really forced you to be a tough person. Not you wanna to be, but yes you've too. And kadang-II tu bukan you're a tough person, you just acting to be. So that everyone will not worry a single things about you. 

Dekat sini, I really hate home. Bukan sebab housemate tak best, bukan sebab rumah tak selesa, but I hate the feeling of being alone in my room. Down semacam bila duduk rumah. Down to the bottom really. I would love to have a roommate, but I don't know who can bear with my behaviour. Thats why, I'm prefer to do things with PCI because I dont have to be at home. Keluar pagi, balik malam. Yes mmg exhauted. But thats how I can be more tougher than now. Home is just a place for me to get my wifi, contact with my lovely people, sleep, study a bit and thats it. 

Kadang-II I'm tired to act like I'm a tough person. Penat. Penat sangat. People always asked me are you okay? No I'm not okay. I never be okay. But yes, because I'm far away from those people who can comfort me, so..


I need to be okay.


Lama lagi nak balik Malaysia. Might be a year, might be 2 years. Pray for me here, to be really okay, not just acting to be okay.


Things get more harder lately, I need to be okay. 







20150505

Selamat Pengantin Baru 💞


" Kita tak sama tapi saling memerlukan "


Haiii konichiwaaaa !!


Alhamdulillah , 1 Mei 2015 kakak dah selamat menjadi isteri kepada Abg Faizul . Seperti yang semua orang tahu , aku tak dapat balik Malaysia meraikan hari berbahagia kakak , tapi yes I enjoy the day here . Having such an awesome girl bestfriend likes Nurin is sooooo nice really . Boleh dia angkut handphone dia sepanjang majlis supaya dia boleh update berita dekat aku . And dia layankan aje apa aku suruh dia buat, suruh tangkap gambar dengan dia ini dia itu, dia buat aje dengan redha . Really she is my bestfriend foreverrrr gituuu . And then , Asyraf also came with his parents 🙈 You know memang riuh la CNB mana diorg expect introvert macam aku boleh berkawan dengan lelaki . Lepastu he came with his parents pulak tu . You can imagined how suprise my family were when they realized how serious our relation sampaikan family dia pun dah tahu kan . Hahaha .


Btw , I really had a good day eventhough aku terpaksa mereput sensorang kat sini, but its a good experience really .


Btw, congratulation my dear sister. Yey Ayiz dah dapat abang baru so balik nanti boleh lah buli hehe . And inshaaAllah my brother will be a father soonnnn yeyyy doakan semua berjalan lancar ya inshaaAllah . Alhamdulillah syukur atas nikmatmu ya Allah 💞

Btw, here I share with you some of the picture that I've received .










Till then !

20150428

Help Me.

" Sabr is the most beautiful thing "

Even esok ada presentation assignment , but I really can't sleep aite now . Not until I speak out the thought in my mind . 



You know , I really can't describe my feeling . Whether its happy or sad , I really don't know which one . But I'm trying to be happy . I'm trying to be . So don't worry .


I hate the fact that I'm such a weak person , cried over this small matter . Really , I don't want to but I can't help it ):  Aku tak suka buat orang risau pasal aku . Aku cuba buat tak kisah tak attend this big day , but that seems so hard for me ): Bila fikir balik memang doh , masalah kecil je pun , aku nak rasa sedih-II mmg tak patut , tapi aku pun manusia , sometimes you couldn't control yourself . 

Its hard to act as a tough girl infront of your family actually. Acting that you're okay, acting like it's okay if I couldn't attend the wedding day . No, I'm not okay at all. Waktu call, dengar every single preparation update by my mom , bukak whatsapps seing those texts about the preparation , its hard for me. Its hard to endure the pain by myself, and the hardest is that I've to acting that I am fine , so that my family wouldn't get worry about me . Its actually hurt me , my feeling , a lot . 




Bukan aku nak tolak takdir . Tak . Aku dah cuba untuk redha , terima dengan hati terbuka . Tapi kadang-II , mestilah rasa sedihkan . Tak ke ? Am I overacting right now about this small matter . If I am , I'm sorry ):



Mungkin aku rasa sedih sangat sebab convocation day both my siblings aku tak pergi , ada empat kali convocation day , aku pergi sekali je yang abang punya . Lagi sedih , abang aku kahwin pun aku tak tengok . This time , kakak aku kahwin pun aku tak boleh tengok . Aku tak balik time merisik , bertunang semua sebab aku nak pergi akad nikah . Bukan aku nak tolak takdir tapi salah ke nak rasa sedih ? Y.Y Aku ada seorang abang , seorang kakak je tapi big day diorg pun aku tak dapat nak pergi . 


Sorry , I've to speak this out , if I endure it , I'll worsen my migraine and gastric due to overstress .


I'm sorry for being this weak . I'm sorry , but give me the chance to cry it out . I'm tired of enduring this . Really . And this is one of the theraphy for myself ; blogging .


I want to go back home , but nvm its for all peoples' good .

Pray for me , my health , my study , and most importantly ; my Imaan . And may Allah ease my sister's big day .


Maybe , my Imaan is not that high , making me this weaker . 

Apa-II berbalik kepada Allah ,


sebab nyawa kita pinjaman Dia .


Dan yakinlah , setiap perancangan Allah itu lebih baik , lebih berhikmah dari perancangan manusia .


Ada perkara Allah izin , tapi Allah tak redha . Dan vice verse .


Mungkin , jika Allah izinkan aku balik pun , Allah tak redha dengan kepulangan aku ( Yelah kalau bebai dengan family macam mana nak dapat redha Allah ? ) Percaya , hikmah itu ada , cari dan gali .


Goodnight . May Allah bless .


12.30am // 28 April 2015



20150423

Endure

  
" Ujian itu tanda Dia sayang bukan ? Jadi bagainmana kita nak tahu kita dapat tempuhi ujian itu ?
Bila terima ujian , kau akan cakap Alhamdulillah .
Dan tika itu, mungkin kau sudah lulus :) "

These few days , kekerapan migrain dan gastrik aku makin kerap .
Orang kata sebab kerja aku makin banyak .
Tak . Bukan sebab kerja .
Aku pasti bukan sebab kerja-II persatuan aku .
Sebabnya , aku dah lepaskan banyak jawatan aku .
Dan kerja aku makin sikit . Srsly .
Ada orang kata mungkin aku stress study CVS .
Atau mungkin aku dah fed up bila dapat keputusan exam CNS hari itu ?
Tak . Sebab result CNS hari itu aku ada semangat baru .
Mana mungkin aku fed up CVS sebab result CNS .

I know . People will get sick of me .
Sebab selalu sangat sakit .
The fact is , I'm also get sick of myself .

" Ayiz pura-II sakit atau sakit betul ? "
" Tak datang kelas lagi Ayiz today ? "


Dude , kau ingat seronok ke pura-II sakit ?
Dude , kalau aku datang kelas , bila aku sakit dekat kelas , korang marah aku datang kelas .
Bila aku tak datang , aku dapat ayat aku pura-II sakit ?
And dude , kau ingat seronok ke tak datang kelas bila miss semua practical and lectures .
Please , this kind of thought will trigger my stress .
Please , stop this kind of thought .
I know , all of you tired because of me .
And you know what , I'm tired of myself too .

Buat apa aku nak berpura-II , kalau aku berpura you know senang je Allah nak bagi aku betul-II sakit.

" Kenapa doe kau tak makan ubat je ? "

You know what , toxic dalam badan aku sebab ubat-II dah banyak .
Ubat yang aku ambil dose dia tinggi , yknow , I've to think about that too bila aku nak makan ubat .
Kau ingat aku saje-II taknak makan ubat ?


And I think , I know why this happened .

It just maybe , it maybe because I endure this pain by myself .

And because of that , my physical and mental are not in such a good condition .



Balik kepada Tuhan , Ayiz .

Kita hidup berTuhan .

Don't endure it by yourself . 
I know , you can't make your parents worried , and your siblings too .

But yeah , He's always there for you .

Sebab kau hidup berTuhan , perkara ini hanya ujian .

Alhamdulillah .

Thankyou for those who always be there , be patient with me when I've my migraine and gastric .
And I'm sorry , for making all of you worried .

And sick of me .

I'm sorry , truely sorry .. 




20150208

Dearest bro , RIP

 





The truth is , I miss this guy also . Even tak selalu jumpa , but he really a very kind man I've ever seen . Rest in peace bro and Al-Fatihah . Its have been 5 years already :'(

20150201

Logam dan Tanta


" With God, nothing is impossible. "



Salam hai semua ☺️ I just realized that , when I'm updating my blog , its one of my therapy for stress . Cause yes , I love to membebel , aite ?

Btw , this time I want to share with you a game that we play in Tanta . It is a game of peoples' thought about me and for sure , some of them I don't know whose thought is it , and some of them I know .

Ayiz in Tanta

So here there are ;

" Assalamualaikum ayiz ! :) 
Ayiz , ayiz ni active sangat tau tak ? Active involvekan diri dalam aktiviti-II . Teruskan okay ? Keep on making people to :) " - Anonymous 1

" Dear Ayiz 🐾 , a kind , fun , humble , responsible girl . May Allah ease you on this journey . He has choosen you . Thank you for willing to spend your time for the sake of helping the people around you , and for the religion of Allah . May Allah repay you for all your good deeds , insyaAllah ❤️ " - Ainatul Syaheera

" Salam Ayiz omey , Ayiz suka tolong orang , seorang yang berhati mulia , bertanggungjawab ... Banyak idea-2 bernas yang daebak !! Stay amazing ~ Goodluck 4 exam ! Excellent for ummah ❤️ inshaAllah . أحبك في الله " - Sarah Fariha 

" My dearest ayiz , someone who I know sangat pandai overcome problem . Look very fragile outside somehow very soft-hearted . Always come for others rather than yourself . Very proud to be one of ur friends ! Jannah together ok ! :) " - Anonymous 2

" Ayiz , Ayiz rajin sangat . Kat mane-2 je ade ayiz . Rajin tolong sane sini . Semoga Allah balas . Thanks jugak untuk note-2 yang Ayiz post dekat Fb Imec . Semoga dengan asbab tu , Ayiz dapat result cemerlang . Ameen . Fighting !! " - Anonymous 3

" Selalu memvolunteerkan diri dlm apa-2 organisasi , selalu menonjolkan diri , pandai berkata-2 , banyak idea . Kau kuat ayiz ! Kan sifat pemuda fathyatun kiram , adalah yg kuat semangatnya . Kau kuat ayiz ! Kau boleh ! Kalau nak zahirkan dengan kata-2 susah nak describe kau satu-2 , tapi segala yg aku nampak kau memang bagus bagus bagus sbb aku tau kawan aku . Aku nak jadi macam kau " - Izzah Zulaikha

" ❤️ Ayiz ❤️ 
Periang , jujur , bersemangat seorang pemuda , keep on menjadi fetya kepada ummat . ' Senjata antunna hanya 2 , hubungan baik dgn Allah & akhlak dgn manusia . Dgn itu , 2 cinta berhimpun , cinta الله , cinta مأنسي . " - Anonymous 4

" بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم 
Ayiz dear ❤️ , ayiz la yg akak tengok , antara org yg sedar akan maslahat umat sekarang . Ayiz juga yg akak perhatikan , dapat membawa memimpin umat sekeliling . Maka islah diri supaya kita memimpin dgn ihsan ! " - Kak Farah

" Dear Ayiz , 
Ayiz sgt-2 berpotensi ! & You're the chosen one for Allah . May Allah guide u always insyaAllah " - Anonymous 5

" ❤️ Dear Ayiz yang qowiy 
- akak yakin semua org dah tahu & ayiz pun tahu potensi ayiz 
- cuma , ayiz lah yang bertanggungjawab utk menjadi pemuda utk agama 
- pilihlah utk menjadi pemudi yang menggerakkan umat !
- Hidup mulia/mati syahid matlamat kite !
- Sambutlah tangan utk bersama-sama dlm dakwah ! " - Anonymous 6



Thank you all , for all this kind and positive thoughts . Aku sendiri ragu-II dgn pendapat mereka tentang diri aku . I'm posting this here , not to show off my good deeds , but I'm afraid that one day this one piece of sheet will lost , so I can read this in my blog . And for sure , I post it here to rejuvenate my hamasah , my imaan , when I'm down , and malas , and futur especially time-II nak exam and dapat bertimpa-timpa ujian . 


May this bond even just knowing them for one day , will be long-lasting until Jannah !


I found that , this game is quite interesting and give me some confidence :) So , what is your thought about me my friends ?

Btw ask me if you don't know why this post is named Logam :)

Till then !


20150131

A beautiful story ; Sabr | Doa | Him


" Kejarlah kehidupan yang mulia , dan kematian yang syahid "

Somehow my mind came out with this beautiful story .
Yes , for me I think it is really , really a beautiful story .

Y'know , when your friends are pursuing their study , and you chose the different pathway from them ; which is doing some job , its going to be hard .
I can't imaging how hard it is .
You've to ignore peoples' talk , you've to bear your friends talking about the college , and university and how tough their class was . You've to bear the negative thinking of others' : why you've to choose this path ? Why you didn't pursuing your study ? And there are many whys that came from those people . If I was them , I'll asked the same question too .
Y'know , its really hard , and I can't even imaging how hard it is , really .
How he can bear the situation ?
How he can ignore the peoples' talk ?
How can he be so strong ?
To live in the hard situation .
And not to forget , how he can manage the job he do ? Like , yes seriously not many people are strong as he is .
He must had a lot of sabr to stick with what he do .
The fact is , he got the chance to pursue his study for the degree , but yeah , it was not his passion to continue in Culinary . 

It was 30th of January .
He said , the result will came out at 3.00 pm .
I was waiting for the text .
And prayed hardly .
Cause I can't imaging how frust he will if he didn't get his degree this time .
I was waiting , till I got very sleepy , and slept for awhile .
When I woke up , I read the text he gave to me .
And , wallahi I was about to cry .
Like seriously ?
He did it .
Allah gave the chance to him for pursuing his study in degree .
You really don't know how grateful I was .
MashaaAllah , O Allah , thankyou for this oppurtunity .
Alhamdulillah .

Y'know , when I was joking around , that I was dreaming about ' Mat ' and not Oppa ?
And I also said that , it was not MatLuthfi but ' Mat lain ' .
And I also said ' biarlah rahsia ' , right ?
I was not ready to tell you yet what I was dreaming about .
The truth is , I was dreaming that ,
the parents , I don't know whose parents they were but I believed they were yours
Doing their sujood syukur .
When I woke up that day , I was like , ' O Allah , please , make this dream to be happen '
And Alhamdulillah , it was happen , and Allah has answered our prays , aite ?
When I went to Tanta , and y'know that there's no hijaab of musafirins' doa ? 
I was praying that you'll get the degree , the degree that you really want , the degree that you passionate of .
I was also praying that I'll not have to repeat any papers for this year , and that I can go back to Malaysia in early of this May . Amiin .

Y'know , this really a good story of Sabr , and Doa .
I didn't know if this is the power of your Sabr , or the power of peoples' doa , or yeah it must really both !
Because , He'll gave to you when its come to the perfect time :)
Y'know , now you're better than others cause you've more experience than they have , didn't Allah's plan is beautiful enough ?


Y'know , when you feel really down , that you'll fall to the bottom , that you'll give up in life , just remember this story .
The beautiful of Sabr , Doa and Him .

P/s : I'm sorry , for the grammatical error , it just my story won't come out in Bahasa Melayu , and I afraid that I'll forget this story , so I'm sorry . And please , pray for my final 3rd semester . Really , I'm not ready yet T.T


20150127

After a long time


" Believe in yourself , cause people won't believe "

Salam hai semua konichiwa heee rindu tak ? So after a longgggggg time last last wa update blog wa today even wa skrg supposely sibuk study sebab final lagi 2 minggu mihmih . Actually wa nak post something tapi mcm bahaya sikit kalau wa post dkt IG ke Twitter ke FB tapi nak post sini pun wa rasa mcm bahaya cukuplah wa cakap wa tengah rindu parents , siblings , besties wa and someone yang everyday whatsapp pun wa still rindu adohai so wa rasa nak nangis sikit mihmih T.T Musim-II wa nak exam tambah-II tgh winter break wa usha semua orang mostly post gambar diorg bercuti dekat oversea or diorg balik Msia so emosi wa serius tak stabil wa rasa makin malas sebab stress emo jealous dkt semua org tapi diri wa sendiri kena study T.T  . Sorry wa bila dah tension mmg bahasa nak acah gengster aje pastu ayat pulak malas nak letak koma ke noktah hehe itu mmg petanda besar wa dlm fasa tension/stress/tertekan pilih salah satu . Btw di sini wa selitkan gambar-II insan yang wa rindu yang wa teringin gila nak jumpa kalau boleh nak balik Msia sekarang and jumpa diorg :(




    



plus Chaer Fahmi Kikin Ayu Haiza Afni sorry takde gambar sebab IPhone ni guna 2 hari before dtg Egypt so tak byk gambar dgn orang-II Msia . K till then . Sorry mengarut ya Robbi saja teringin and rindu nak update blog je hihihi 🌚🌝