Hope

"He knows, He knows. Allah knows all this miserable feeling.

He knows, He knows. Allah knows this devastated pain.

He knows. Have faith on Him; cause He knows all of that" - (Aina,6/2/2017)

There will always be a hope, in everyone daily life.

To be alive, and to be survive, until today

is already a prove that, He give me so much hope.

Things will get better.

I will get better.

Yakin dengan janji Dia.

He will never burdened people more than what we capable of.

Allah tahu kau kuat Aina.

Sebab itu Dia uji.

Allah tahu kau sakit Aina.

But there will always be a hope, for you to be better.

Believe in that.

This too, shall pass to.

Yesterday was a rough day for me. I beat up myself again, and cried so badly.

It marked as my 10 times, for me to be cry that bad.

I was so frustrated w/ myself, for not being able to recover yet.

That's why, I've saying sorry for so many times, to people.

To everyone. For not being able to recover yet.

As I thought, I am such a burdened to them.

But I know, they will always be there for me. It just me, who couldn't stop to think that way.

I was consulting my friend afterwards, who was already recover from it completely.

"I am getting worse. And I don't even know why."

"Sebab you tak stop fikir, that's why. Itu perkara pertama, stop fikir"

"But now.. I pun tak tahu I fikir apa masalahnya. It just, I didn't have any feeling to do things anymore. Jumpa orang pun, I feel so anxious. I ended up skipping those things, meeting and etc"

"Anhedonia. Itu common. This is common. I know, been there. Your depression is not you. Ada inner power dalam yourself. Yang dissociates you from depression. Kalau you demam, you tak kata "saya orang demam", sebab demam is symptom. And its not you, Sama macam depression, depression is not you. Its a disorder. Dissociate yourself." 

"I keep saying sorry to everyone even that I know it was not my fault. But I can't stop blaming myself for everything."

"Like I said, bila you accept yourself., you akan stop blaming yourself.

Dan you akan stop say sorry. Just live. Jangan rush recovery. I tak rush recovery. It just.. disappear."

Stop saying sorry Aina, it was not your fault. You didn't asked for this.

 So stop being an apologetic person.

No one wants your sorry Aina. No one asking you to ask for forgiveness.

 They only want you to be happy Aina. And thats, already enough for them all. 

Accept yourself, Aina. And be well. 

Just live, and at the end of the road, you'll arrive at the beautiful destination.

Even if not in dunya, He will grant it later, in akhirah.

Just live, and be happy. Accept all of it, and fight hard.

One day, everything will be just fine. 

One day, this to shall be pass.

So hang on, and be strong.

Its okay to stumble in the middle of the journey.

Its okay to cry once for awhile.

But its never okay to give up in this battle.

So hang on, and be strong.

Cause He knows,

you're trying.

Don't lose hope, Aina Izzati.

Have faith on him. Bersangka baik dengan DIa.

He will grant you something better in the future.

So believe in Him.

Spread the love and happiness to everyone.

May that one day, come in the future :)