Since I’ve been back from treatment, things have been hard — but in a different way than how I was last time I was home. While I have learned how to cope with things in a more positive way, I still have hard days. I still have those thoughts running through my head — they didn’t go away. I learned new skills on how to deal with them when they come up. However, I still have depression, and it’s still hard.
I still want to stay in bed all day and close the blinds and not leave my room or talk to anyone. Other days are better, and I’m still able to do things and leave the house. But when I come back, I collapse in my room and cry. I feel this huge pressure from people expecting so much from me. I don’t know who I can turn to. My friends and family seem to expect that magically everything is “fixed,” and that’s just not true. It’s hard for me to reach out when all that pressure is put on me.
So please, what I’m asking is that you ask me how my day went. Open the conversation so I am able to come and talk to you in the future, or when something hard comes up, or when I feel like I may be relapsing. I need help, and it’s hard to initiate with all the pressure around me. It’s not that I’m not grateful for your support, it’s just that I’m new to having an open line of communication with you. Those days when it’s hard for me to leave my room are when I need you most. It’s those days when I may just want someone to be next to me. We don’t have to talk or do anything; your presence is enough. It’s those times when it’s really important for my support system to be there for me. And for that, I thank you.
By Lana Peterson
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